


self-destruction

by ultraviolentae



Category: NCT (Band)
Genre: Angst with a Happy Ending, Complicated Relationships, M/M, check notes for trigger warnings !!!, i suck at it ...... sorry fellas, idk why i keep writing make out scenes, why is the nohyuck tag SO DRY
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-04-05
Updated: 2018-07-09
Packaged: 2019-04-18 09:21:18
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 28,546
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14210055
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ultraviolentae/pseuds/ultraviolentae
Summary: You are the sun and I am just the planets spinning around you





	1. toxic

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> i'm in need of a savior but i'm not asking for favors  
> my whole life i've felt like a burden  
> i think too much and I hate it  
> i'm so used to being in the wrong, i'm tired of caring  
> loving never gave me a home so i'll sit here in the silence
> 
> – silence,, marshmello

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Trigger warnings: Donghyuck says some depressive things time to time AND also im pretty sure a self-harm trigger is needed too (there is NO self-mutilation but some things he does can technically be considered self-harm and I don’t want to trigger anyone)
> 
> Also, i have NO CLUE how orphanages work but since this is an AU i didnt do any sort of research and decided to have it my way. So obviously this is pure rubbish, just go along with it fdjkgf
> 
> Sorry for any typos!!

**D** onghyuck had lived his entire life running away from attachment but, here’s the little catch: he couldn’t quite function without Jeno Lee anymore.

He didn’t know when it had begun, Donghyuck had known Jeno since they were ten so it was hard to pinpoint the exact moment during those seven years where he had become so dependant. It wasn’t as if he had suddenly gone from being a lone wolf to how he was now but Donghyuck hadn’t even noticed just how much he needed the other until a few years back, and it scared him still.

Whenever he needed something Jeno would welcome him with open arms and hear him ramble for hours, Donghyuck was grateful but he didn’t like that his first instinct was to see Jeno whenever something happened. It made him weak, because what if Jeno left?

It wasn’t something he could fight back anymore, anyways. In fact, Donghyuck was already on his way to Jeno’s house at ungodly hours simply because the anxious feeling inside his chest wouldn’t leave no matter what. The solution? Jeno. Of course.

He reaches the familiar house and skilfully climbs over the fence, the streets were totally empty and quiet, the only sound filling his ears was the crashing of the ocean waves in the distance. Donghyuck still makes sure no one had seen him before quietly making his way to Jeno’s backyard so he could find the boy’s bedroom window, he looks inside and sighs when he finds Jeno peacefully sleeping on his bed. He almost feels guilty enough to back away but somehow manages to find the courage to knock on the glass loud enough for the other to wake up but not for his parents to hear it.

Jeno cracks one of his eyes open and frowns before figuring out who it was outside, Donghyuck watches as the boy stands up and walks the fastest he could manage in his sleepy state. “Come in.” Is all Jeno says when he opens the window, Donghyuck nods and quietly makes his way inside. “Anxiety?” Donghyuck nods once again. “Come.”

The boy follows Jeno to the bed and stands next to it awkwardly, the other grabs Donghyuck’s wrist and pushes him closer so he’d fall on top of him. Jeno chuckles and manages to cover both of them with the bedsheets, Donghyuck is thankful that the moon’s light wasn’t strong enough to reveal the blush on his cheeks. “Thanks.” He whispers weakly.

“Why do you always act so shy? You’ve done this more times than I can count.” Jeno intertwines their legs and once again pulls the boy closer.

“It comes with it…” Donghyuck whispers and hides his face on Jeno’s chest. “Self-consciousness, I mean.”

Jeno hums and wraps his arms around the boy’s frame, Donghyuck could already feel sleep catching onto him. He’s lulled to sleep with the sound of the other’s heartbeat and the faint noise of crashing waves coming from outside.

 

 

 

 

If Donghyuck didn’t have the biggest soft spot for children, he would’ve kicked their ass to the moon already.

Saturdays were chaotic, even more than usual, no one was in school which meant the foster house was terribly cramped. Donghyuck couldn’t even hear his voice over the chatter and yelling all around him as he spoke to one of his roommates. “I’m going to lose my mind.” He mumbles to himself and slams the door to his room open, a little kid looks up at him with her big eyes and giggles. “Not now, Kim.” He sighs when she wraps her tiny arms around his thigh. “How is Mrs. Moon getting on?”

The girl shrugs. “Don’t know! Gowoon pee her pants in the kitchen though! It was funny.” 

“She did what now?” Donghyuck’s eyes go wide. “Oh god.”

He manages to get the girl off his leg and runs downstairs towards the kitchen, Mrs. Moon looked like she was about to pass out with stress once he finally gets there. “Please, Donghyuck, clean Gowoon for me.” She cries out and points at the little girl sitting on the floor with a puffy crying face.

Donghyuck nods and crunches down in front of Gowoon. “Hey, let’s get you cleaned up, yeah?” She nods weakly and lets herself be picked up by Donghyuck. “You’re five now, you need to stop peeing on yourself like this…” He sighs as he walks out of the kitchen and makes his way to the bathroom, careful to not step or bump onto someone.

“I’m sorry.” Gowoon sobs and Donghyuck pats the back of her head softly. “Hoojo scared me!”

“I’ll have a little conversation with him later then.” He chuckles and puts the girl down inside the bathtub. “Or, better yet, you could prank him back!” The girl giggles while Donghyuck takes care of her clothes. “Alright, I’m sure you can shower by yourself-“

“No!” She pouts. “Hyuckie.”

The boy chuckles once again and kneels next to the bathtub. “I wish I was payed for doing this.”

“I’ll pay with candy!” Gowoon promises and smiles brightly when Donghyuck starts shampooing her hair. “And kisses?”

“Alright.” Donghyuck nods. “Sounds good to me.” He can’t help but smile at how much the girl beams at that, how could he detest kids when they were capable of being so adorable? “Is anyone visiting you today?”

She nods enthusiastically. “Yes! My best friend is coming to see me! Her mother promised to take me out for ice cream too!” Donghyuck smiles brightly. “And you? Is the handsome boy coming today?”

Donghyuck chokes on his own spit and snorts. “Handsome boy?”

“Yeah! That’s what we call him.”

“Well, okay.” He clicks his tongue. “Yes, he’s coming. Supposedly.”

“Oh! I can’t wait.” She claps her hands, Donghyuck tilts his head with confusion.

“Why? He’s coming for me, don’t steal my spotlight.”

Gowoon shoots him a devilish smirk and giggles. “Mine! Handsome boy is mine!”

“I guess we can share?” Donghyuck grabs the showerhead and waits for the water to warm up.

“No. Mine.” She frowns.

Donghyuck scoffs. “Alright then, Mr. Handsome boy is all yours.”

 

 

“I found out something interesting today.” Donghyuck blurts out and opens his eyes only to find Jeno already staring at him. The boy hums for him to keep going as he plays with the freshly dyed red locks. “Apparently, you’re known as The Handsome Boy by some of the kids. I mean I don’t see where that could’ve possibly come from, but-“

Jeno pulls his hair to shut him up, Donghyuck hisses and tries slapping his hand away. “You ruined it.” He rolls his eyes with a soft smile on his face. “Handsome boy, uh? Interesting.”

“I think the kids just haven’t seen you properly yet, lets be honest.”

“Do you ever shut up?”

Donghyuck rubs his chin. “I mean, yeah I do.” He smirks and puckers his lips. “You know well how.”

“Nah, not after you stabbed my ego _twice_.” Jeno flicks his fingers on the boy’s cheek, Donghyuck pouts and rubs the area.

“Whatever, you’re acting as if I don’t gas you up almost every day.” He scoffs and sits on the bed, Jeno can’t help but giggle at how messy the boy’s hair looked. Donghyuck grabs the nearest hat he could find and quickly hides the red locks. “How does the red look?”

Jeno gives him two thumbs up and leans against the wall behind Donghyuck bed. “You look pretty with red hair.” He admits as he closes his eyes. “I’m so tired, I slept like four hours because I had to finish up an essay.”

Donghyuck chuckles, crawls closer till their faces are so close that their breaths become one and plants a quick kiss on the boy’s lips. “You can take a nap while I finish my homework.”

“That’s useless, I’m here to be with you.”

The boy smiles. “You like, lay on my lap like I was before while I finish it up.” Jeno opens his eyes again and stares at Donghyuck for a few seconds before nodding and laying down in bed so that his head was perfectly positioned on the other’s lap. “It’s the Math homework, did you do it?”

“We had Maths homework?!” Jeno shrieks and looks up at Donghyuck wide eyed. “Oh fuck.”

“You can copy from me.”

“You’ll probably have it all wrong.” He teases and flinches when Donghyuck pretends to get ready to hit him. “I’ll ask Renjun or something.”

“Did you just call me dumb?”

“Academically-“

“DID YOU JUST CALL ME DUMB?” He repeats, louder, almost shouting.

“No.” Jeno gives him a fake smile and bats his eyelashes.

Donghyuck copies the gesture. “Good boy.”

“Woof.” The boy sticks his tongue out.

“This is furry behaviour, I won’t have it.” Donghyuck cringes and slams his hand on top of Jeno’s mouth but soon pulls it away when the boy licks the palm of his hand.

“Kink shaming isn’t cool, Hyuck.”

“Shut up before I knock you out.” He growls and forcefully closes Jeno’s eyes, the other laughs but finally closes his mouth and snakes his arms around Donghyuck’s torso, cuddling the boy close to fall asleep faster.

 

 

 

“That’s such an ugly hat.” Renjun scrunches up his nose when Donghyuck shows up in his camp of vision with an Adidas bucket hat. “Bucket hats are ugly, burn them.”

Donghyuck shrugs and sits on the free chair next to Jeno. “First of all, Jeno bought it, I’m not going to burn it.” His friend giggles next to him. “Secondly, nobody asked, princess.” He chuckles loudly at how bad Renjun was fuming at the pet name.

The first time Donghyuck lay his eyes on the boy he thought he looked like a small petite fairy and, even if Renjun tried to look somewhat manlier, he still saw him as a fragile little thing. Renjun absolutely hated it, and Donghyuck loved pushing the right buttons to trigger him, it was amusing. “I would choke you, but I got homework to finish up.”

“Oh, yeah. Did you ask him for the Maths homework?” Donghyuck turns to Jeno.

“That’s… the homework he’s finishing up.” The boy rubs his nape. “Apparently both he and Jaemin forgot about too, only you remembered.”

Donghyuck snorts and leans back on the chair. “I’m such a good student, you all could only wish.”

“Excuse me.” Chenle coughs loudly, taking a break from helping Jisung with his homework to glare at the boy. “In your class, perhaps.”

“Do I know you?” Donghyuck feigns innocence and rubs his chin, Jeno hits his shoulder lightly and laughs loudly. Chenle flips him off and goes back to focusing on Jisung who looked like he was about to have a mental breakdown over Chemistry. “Why aren’t you doing your homework like them?”

Jeno drifts his eyes to look at Jaemin and Renjun discussing how to solve a problem and shrugs. “I’ve given up.” Donghyuck frowns at that. “C’mon, it’s just one homework-“

“Out of the hundred that you haven’t done.” He sighs loudly. “You can’t fail, Jeno. This is our last year.”

“Okay mom.” The boy teases and places his hand on Donghyuck’s thigh, giving it a little squeeze. “I’m not going to fail the year, Hyuck. It’s fine. Yeah?”

Donghyuck rolls his eyes. “Whatever, do as you please but watch me finish before you do.” He pokes his tongue out and Jeno drifts his eyes downwards towards his mouth, smiling when Donghyuck quickly slams his lips shut and turns slightly red.

“Flustered?” He quirks one of his eyebrows up.

“You wish.” Donghyuck mumbles and looks at the clock on the wall of the study room, five more minutes of torturous flirting with Jeno in front of his classmates. Five more minutes of holding himself back the best he could so that no one would find out the nature of their friendship, Donghyuck thought he might die. “Stop being like that.”

“Like what?” Jeno doesn’t move his eyes from the other’s lips as he speaks, Donghyuck had the biggest urge to hit him where the sun don’t shine right there and then. “I’m not doing anything.” He finally locks eyes with his friend and squeezes his thigh harder.

Donghyuck swallows down the whimper and shoots him a fake smile. “You’re dead meat, Lee Jeno.” The other shrugs and slowly trails his finger up Donghyuck’s thigh. “Jeno.”

“Hum?” He keeps the stupid fake smile on his face and squeezes his inner thigh, Donghyuck growls and shakes his leg. “You’re jittery today, is something wrong?”

“Oh my god both of you need to shut up.” Renjun blurts out and slams his pen against the table, Jaemin lets out a quick loud laugh, Jisung and Chenle raise their heads and look at Renjun with confusion. “Some of us are trying to get good grades over here, take your shameless and, may I say, quite obvious flirting out of here.”

Jeno chuckles. “There’s like one minute left till the bell rings, I’m not going to leave early for you Mr. Huang.”

“You’re so annoying.” Renjun spits out and picks up his pen again.

“I must agree.” Donghyuck smirks.

“As if you’re much better.” Renjun scoffs and throws his pencil case inside his bag before swinging it around his shoulder and standing up. Jaemin gapes like a fish before copying the steps and trailing behind a very much annoyed Renjun.

Jeno sits back on his chair and watches as the boys leave the room. “Renjun is so adorable.”

“He clearly isn’t into you.” Donghyuck grabs Jeno’s hand and puts it away from his thigh. “Tough luck, buddy.”

“Mark Lee is hetero and that doesn’t stop you from flirting with him every time he’s around.” Jeno spits out, Donghyuck gasps dramatically just as the bell rings. “So, clearly, you’re not much better than I am.”

Donghyuck shrugs. “That’s alright, I prefer the game more than the reward anyways.” He mumbles and grabs his bag, Jeno shakes his head with fake disappointment. “Let’s go, you’re so slow.” He whines.

Jeno kicks the other’s knee with his foot and flips him off before walking out of the study room, Donghyuck runs, or tries to while limping, yelling curses as loud as he could possibly manage. “I love you too.” Jeno turns back and shoots him one of his famous eye smiles.

The other puts his fist up high in air. “Just wait till I catch up to you, then you will see!”

 

 

 

It was as if someone was applying pressure on his chest and retraining him from moving while his body was hyperactive, everything felt drowsy and distant but also too much and loud. The clash between his emotions were driving him insane, and even if he preferred to take care of it by himself, Donghyuck couldn’t help but dial Jeno’s phone number.

“What’s up Dongie?” Jeno chirps through the phone speakers, Donghyuck can’t help but smile at that.

“I did something bad again.” He mumbles and closes his eyes, he could feel Jeno’s distress from the other side of the line.

His voice was soothing, Jeno had learnt what worked best over the years, it was one of the reasons Donghyuck always came to him whenever he needed. Jeno just _knew._ “What did you do this time?”

“I had a sore throat, so I decided to do me some coffee.” Donghyuck explains, his body wouldn’t stop shaking against his will. “I took it to class, you saw it.”

“Yes.”

Donghyuck nods and chuckles. “I might’ve put too much coffee with the milk, I don’t know why okay I just- did.”

“Donghyuck.” Jeno tries to cover up his growl with a cough, Donghyuck knew he wasn’t pleased and hated just how much he liked whenever Jeno got mad at him for being stupid. It was a fucked up way to be reassured the other cared, but it worked every time so Donghyuck couldn’t stop. An addiction, perhaps. “You could have a heart attack, I know you’re young but even so. I noticed something was up, I should’ve asked I’m sorry.”

“It’s fine.” He whispers and forces himself to stand up. “I’ll move around, get some fresh air.”

“Where are your roommates?”

“I don’t know, they don’t like staying inside our room. I barely see them.” Donghyuck rambles as he opens the window and breathes in the fresh air, it smelled of the sea. “I just wanted to talk, get my mind off it.”

Jeno sighs. “Are you feeling anxious? Hyperactive?”

“Yeah, my emotions are all peaking at the same time.” Donghyuck watches the waves crash against the rocks, he always loved that his room faced the sea and was up high. The view was truly therapeutic.

“Just please drink lots of water and pee, it’ll wash the effect off quicker.”

“I will.”

It’s silent, but Donghyuck didn’t care. He felt comforted by knowing Jeno was there, and that if he needed anything he could simply open his mouth to speak and the boy would listen. Jeno didn’t dare hang up, but Donghyuck heard some random noises coming from the phone speakers which he assumed was the boy moving around to do whatever he had to do while he wasn’t talking.

“I want to swim.” He blurts out, eyes never leaving the blue waters. “I want to disappear in the sea, never to be found again.”

“Please don’t say those things.” Jeno’s voice trembles. “Don’t go out of the foster house, please.”

Donghyuck relaxes. “I won’t.” _For you I won’t._ “But imagine it, I wouldn’t waste space on the earth. Those graveyards, they’re filled. Also, who’d pay for my dumb casket? Isn’t it useless to make it pretty as well? Gonna be buried and eaten by bugs and whatnot.”

“First of all, you’re worthy of that so called waste of space on earth.” The other breathes in sharply. “And please don’t think of these things, Hyuck.”

“I can’t help it.”

“Can I take your mind off it?”

Donghyuck snorts. “Come over?”

The sound of a chair being dragged across the floor and then keys hitting against each other sounds in the end of the other line. “Alright, but I’m not hanging up till I get there.” The corners of Donghyuck lips curl upwards with fondness. “Be there in ten, or something.”

 

 

 

The sunrays hit his skin directly down, it had been months since there had been a day without a single cloud on the sky, it almost felt foreign.

They make their ways through the crowded streets, Donghyuck would feel the urge to hold Jeno's hand for support time to time but decided to force himself to grab the boy's shirt instead.

It was Saturday, but instead of doing the same old of staying in the orphanage fooling around, both had decided to go out since it was sunny and Donghyuck couldn't be happier. He loved the sun more anything, perhaps more than Jeno.

Jeno looks back at him as they pass by a little bridge, the boy grabs Donghyuck's wrist and pulls him closer. "I don't think I'll ever get over just how pretty the view is." They both looks down at the canal with a serene expression as a gentle cold breeze hits their faces.

"It is pretty." He mumbles after many minutes of staring at the view.

The other looks to his side and smiles softly. "You're prettier." He says as he moves behind Donghyuck, the boy turns around so they're facing each other and smirks. "God, I wanna kiss you."

He lets out a gentle laugh and licks his lips, he did too, so much. But it was a small town, things travelled fast, there just weren't any secrets. "Later." Jeno nods knowingly, self-restrain was key to survival after all. Donghyuck feels his mood drop at the reminder of their reality.

Jeno trails his fingers on the boy's arm delicately while making eye contact with the other. "You look gorgeous today."

"Only today?" He teases.

"No, but the sun really brings out your true colours." Jeno instinctively moves closer but stops. "Too tempting."

Donghyuck snorts quietly and grabs the other's forearm. "Let's go, this is torture." Jeno nods and walks behind him without any complaints.

They opt on going to the mall, it had been ages since Donghyuck had gone shopping, but it wasn't as if he had any money to waste. Jeno, however, pulled out his wallet as soon as they step foot inside the building. Donghyuck had frowned but the boy was persistent, Jeno never gave in to Donghyuck's complaints, always excused himself by saying he simply loved pampering the other too much.

"Where to?" Donghyuck asks and Jeno shrugs. "Always very useful."

"Let's just look around, I'm not picky." He finally says much to the other's discontent.

There were these silent rules, as Donghyuck liked to call them, that he and Jeno had agreed on. As soon as they were in public things were different, and most times it ended up being exciting and making them even more eager because after all, humans always long for what they can’t have. The thing is, the rules were awfully frustrating. And by frustrating Donghyuck meant he was feeling the urge kick someone over not being 'allowed' to touch Jeno's face whenever he wanted.

They had got so accustomed to freely doing as they pleased that it was physically painful to hold back though Jeno seemed to be doing just fine, but then again Donghyuck knew the boy was a great actor. He knew his emotions were most likely pouring out and he didn't care, didn't care if people could see the hearts in his eyes whenever he'd stare at Jeno for a second too long. Quite frankly, he just didn't care anymore. But for Jeno he would force himself to behave.

"Hyuck." The boy calls out with a big grin. "Isn't it pretty?"

"Jeno, you can't just keep buying me things..." He sighs but takes the hat in his hand anyways.

"But I know how much you like them, I got money I don't mind spending and knowing it's making you happy makes _me_ happy."

Donghyuck almost doesn't make it, the urge he feels to throw himself on top of the other had almost been too great. "I don't deserve you." He pouts and analyses the object in his hand carefully. "Nor this, ugh, it really is pretty."

Jeno looks around carefully, the shop wasn't that full. "Don't say shit like that I might beat you up in public." He places his hands on Donghyuck's shoulder and gives it a little squeeze. "Let's... Check how the hat looks on you." He says quieter and drifts his gaze towards the changing rooms area, it was subtle but still there. Donghyuck feels his cheeks gets warmer at that.

They make sure no one sees them both enter the same stall, once inside and hidden away, Jeno wastes no time in pressing Donghyuck against the wall and peppering kisses on the boy's neck. "I thought I was going to die." He whispers against the shell of Donghyuck's ear and lets himself melt against the other's body with a loud sigh.

Donghyuck wraps his arms around the boy's torso and rubs his face against Jeno's neck taking in the calming scent. "Me too, I hate holding it back."

Jeno stays quiet but tries speaking with his actions instead, he grabs the other's face and looks right into his eyes. They blinks back at each other before Jeno finally closes the gap and kisses Donghyuck like it was their first time all over again, soft, gentle, hesitant. A wave of nostalgia hits Donghyuck and he feels his body shake slightly, perhaps that was how falling in love all over again felt like. He cringes, life wasn't a romantic book.

He traces Jeno's cheek bones, analysing every little trait on the boy's face as he does so. "Did I ever tell you how pretty your mole is?" He looks away from it towards Jeno's eyes and smiles. The other shakes his head. "Really?" He pouts. "You're too handsome for your own good."

Jeno smiles brightly at that, his eyes disappear completely as a big grin spreads across his face. Donghyuck's knees go weak, but he keeps himself steady. "I'm buying you the hat." Before Donghyuck could complain he continues. "For inflating my ego like this."

"Oh shut up." He giggles a bit too loudly and slams his hand on top of his mouth, but there didn't seem to be anyone around.

They kiss, again and again, until Jeno pulls away completely complaining that his lips were starting to ache. Donghyuck calls him weak, his lips never hurt even after hours. "That's because that's all you ever do." Jeno rolls his eyes.

"What? Kiss people?" The other nods and Donghyuck chuckles. "Well, yeah. But practice makes perfection remember?"

Jeno hits the boy's shoulder lightly and clicks his tongue. "I'm starting to feel super suffocated in here." Donghyuck nods. "Let's go out?"

"On a date?" He teases and wiggles his eyebrows, the other looks utterly flustered at that.

"If you'd like." Jeno says, in a more serious tone.

Donghyuck chuckles. "Silly." He grabs Jeno's waist tightly and rubs their noses together. "Fast food date, perhaps."

"It is still a date."

"You're absolutely right." Donghyuck giggles and peaks out if the stall. "There's not a single soul out there right now." He turns to Jeno and places a chaste kiss of the boy's lips. "Let's go on that McDonalds' date then, c'mon."

 

 

 

It was Saturday once again, Donghyuck busied himself by playing whatever game he had downloaded on his phone years ago while waiting for Jeno to come over. He was in the middle of creating a new high score when a call forces him to stop, Donghyuck groans before noticing who was calling him and then smiles. “Yeah?”

“I’m downstairs.” Jeno says just before hanging up.

Donghyuck slams the door open and runs downstairs trying his best to dodge everyone on his way while heading to the guest’s waiting room. He smiles brightly when he sees the familiar boy playing around on his phone and comes closer so that he could give him a surprise hug. “Hey.” He giggles when Jeno hugs back.

They leave the room and head to the crowded main hall, Donghyuck sighs loudly when a group of little girls runs in their direction to annoy Jeno, Gowoon being one of them. “What’s this?!” One of them pulls at the bag Jeno was holding and pouts when the boy pulls it away from her.

“A present.” Jeno looks at Donghyuck and extends his arms for him to take it. “Christmas present?”

“I- I don’t have anything.” The boy frowns before taking the bag. “I’m sorry, I had to save up to buy new earphones, I lost the other ones.”

Jeno shakes his head. “I understand, it’s totally fine.”

“No- Jeno.” He pouts and sighs loudly, the girls looked more curious about the present than he was. Donghyuck takes out the present and chuckles, another cap with a Gemini symbol in the front. “It’s so pretty I hate you stop buying me stuff when I can’t repay.”

“You’re the repayment.” Jeno smirks, the girls squeak at the overly sweet words.

“Fuck, it really reeks of cheese here.” Donghyuck scrunches up his nose and feigns disgust.

Jeno tackles him down onto the cold floor, Donghyuck giggles loudly when the other starts tickling him everywhere. “Is that how you show your gratitude?” He scoffs.

“Come upstairs I’ll show you my gratitude.” Donghyuck wiggles his eyebrows and lets out a short loud laugh when Jeno tickles him one last time. They get up from the floor and run upstairs, leaving the group of girls just as confused as ever.

Donghyuck checks if anyone is inside before letting the other in and locking the door behind him, Jeno pulls him close by the hips and pushes the boy until his back hits the cold wall. He moves his hands lower so they rest on the other’s thighs and squeezes them hard before nibbling on Donghyuck’s bottom lip.

The next thing he knows, Donghyuck is on top of the small desk. A few pencils roll onto the floor and both boys giggle. “Idiot, you better pick those up later.” Jeno shrugs and pecks the other before grabbing the materials that had fallen and placing them somewhere on the table again. “Back to the reward.” He smiles brightly when Jeno snakes his arms around his torso and pulls him close again.

Donghyuck wraps his legs around the other and bends down so that he could kiss Jeno better, the other sneakily puts his hand under Donghyuck’s shirt making the boy hiss. “What?”

“Cold!” He cries out but doesn’t try to get Jeno’s hand from inside his shirt and goes back to kissing him.

Jeno scratches his nails on Donghyuck’s lower back knowing full well it made the boy quiver, Donghyuck smirks to himself and grabs the other’s hair tugging it hard enough to make him moan against his lips.

“Okay first of all gross.” Someone breaks the sweet silence, Donghyuck huffs loudly and rolls his eyes.

“Seriously?” Donghyuck pushes Jeno away and stands up. “Go away, Chan.”

The other waves them off and closes the door behind him, Jeno chuckles when Donghyuck turns back to him with pink cheeks and fire dancing in his eyes. “It’s fine.” He grabs the boy’s wrists and leads them to the bed. “That was more than enough to pay back the hat.”

Donghyuck rolls his eyes again and sits on the bed. “Idiot, I was having fun.” He whines and flops onto the mattress. “Whatever.”

Jeno cuddles next to him and puts his head on top of Donghyuck’s chest. “You’re acting as if we don’t do that practically every week.” He chuckles and traces random shapes on the boy’s stomach from above his shirt. “Did you study for our English test?”

“Nah, it’ll be easy. It always is! I swear I know English better than our teacher does.” He snorts. “More worried about the Korean one coming up in two weeks’ time, that one sure is going to bite my ass.” Jeno nods and keeps on playing around with the other’s tummy. “Are you going to study?”

“Do I look like-“ Donghyuck hits his shoulder lightly. “Fine, mom, I’ll study the day before or something.”

“This is why your English is pure shit.”

Jeno gasps dramatically and turns his head to face the other. “That hurted!” He says in English.

“You conjugated it wrong, idiot.” Donghyuck rolls his eyes.

“Whatever, as if I care.”

“Yeah, exactly, I know you don’t and that’s exactly the problem.”

The boy childishly mimics him in a high-pitched voice, Donghyuck hits him on the shoulder again but harder this time around. “Ow! Excuse me!”

He shrugs. “You deserved it.”

“It hurts now.” Jeno whines and gives the other his best pout to try and persuade him, it doesn’t work on Donghyuck, though.

“It’ll hurt more when I kick your ass when you fail the year, deal with it or I might just quick you once again.” He threatens, Jeno huffs and goes back to tracing patterns on the boy’s stomach. “I’ll give you kisses if you study for the test.”

Jeno perks up at that and looks at him again, a mischievous glint on his eyes. “Really?” Donghyuck nods. “How’d you know if I studied or not, though?”

“I’m not stupid.” He pushes the boy off him and stands up. “Get up, you’re doing some English this afternoon.” Jeno whines and shakes his head. “No? Okay, no kisses for a whole month.” As soon as he finishes talking Jeno was already standing next to him ready to follow orders, Donghyuck chuckles and gives him a chaste kiss on the lips before grabbing his English books and dumping them on the desk. “Ready for some English?”

“No.”

Donghyuck puts his hands on his hips and frowns.

Jeno clears his throat and straightens his back. “Yes, sir!”

 

 

They finally take a break from studying, Jeno looked dead and Donghyuck wasn’t mean enough to make the boy keep on working. He grabs Jeno’s wrist and leads them downstairs towards the loud and crowded main hall, Donghyuck shoos some little kids from the couch so that they could sit somewhere comfortable instead of the probably dirt floor.

“Oh!” Someone shouts, Donghyuck groans loudly when the group of girls that always greeted Jeno when he came over started walking in their direction. “It’s Handsome Boy!” One of them shouts and giggles.

“Fuck no.” Donghyuck whines but Jeno seems utterly amused by the attention. “They’re like, five, why are you so content?”

“A compliment is a compliment.” Jeno brushes him off and greets the girls cheerfully, Donghyuck watches them with a look of disbelief before leaning back on the couch and trying to pay attention to the TV.

No matter how much he tried, though, his attention always drifted to the conversation happening next to him. He rolls and huffs to himself before closing his eyes so he could maybe take a small nap. “Do you go to the gym?!” A high-pitched voice sounds, Donghyuck closes his eye tighter as if that would help him fall asleep easier. “You look so muscly!”

 _Aren’t you six why are you even asking these things?_ Donghyuck thinks and cringes. “No, there’s no gym nearby. I do it at home.” Jeno answers back nicely.

“What?! There’s a gym right here, though.”

“Wait what?” Jeno turns to Donghyuck and pushes his shoulder to wake him up, the boy crack one eye open to look at him with a frown. “You never told me there’s a gym here.”

“I should have?”

Jeno makes a frustrated noise in the back of his throat. “Well, yeah! I’ve been complaining that I didn’t have a proper place to do my work out for ages now, Hyuck.”

“Sorry, I might’ve forgotten since I never used it.” He shrugs.

“Show me where it is-“

“Okay!” The girls say simultaneously.

Donghyuck slams his hands on the couch and glares at them, _hard._ “He mean me, you tiny devils!” He huffs, stands up and grabs Jeno by the forearm. “I’ll show you your dammed gym.”

Jeno smirks. “Are you jealous?”

“I don’t know a Jealous.” Donghyuck scoffs and tightens his hold around the boy’s forearm so that the other whimpers with pain. “I know a pedophile and that’s you.”

“Excuse me?!” Jeno shrieks. “Can I not talk to kids now?” Donghyuck mimics him childishly but doesn’t respond and keeps walking. “Are you giving me the silence treatment right now?”

“Is my name Jeno?” He snaps his head to side to look at him. “You’re the one that loves doing that kinda shit, I’m just trying to concentrate on not getting us lost. I haven’t been to the gym in years.”

The other hums pretending to buy the excuse and lets himself be led by the other in silence, Donghyuck has to take many stops and change directions which was absolutely ridiculous because the building wasn’t all that big but Jeno doesn’t say anything knowing full well he’d get beaten if he mocked the other.

“Ugh, finally.” Donghyuck pushes the door open and peaks inside. “Come.”

Jeno lets out a soft ‘Wow’ the moment he steps foot inside the room. “So, I can just come here and use it?”

“I have no clue, but I honestly doubt they’d care. Plus no one ever checks up on us properly, I doubt it’d be any different here.” Donghyuck shrugs.

“Will you come with me?”

“Oh hell no.” The boy shakes his head and chuckles. “Do I seriously look-“

“Just come watch me or something.” Jeno cuts him off, Donghyuck sighs loudly and pretends to ponder.

“Alright, fine, if you really want to.” He surprises the smile forcing itself onto his face, Jeno raises his arm to touch the other but stops midway and looks around. “I don’t care about these dudes.” Donghyuck grabs his wrist and puts Jeno’s hand on his face. “They don’t care.”

Jeno smiles weakly. “Okay, well, I’ll see you tomorrow?”

Donghyuck furrows his eyebrows and tilts his head. “Tomorrow?”

“You’re not going to the party?” Donghyuck blinks back at him. “Were you not listening when Jaemin mentioned it?” The other shakes his head. “I’ll just pick you up, be ready at like five.”

“Okay, I’ll be waiting then.” He grins and turns his face so he can kiss the palm of Jeno’s hand enjoying the blush that rises onto the other’s cheeks at the gesture. “Don’t be late.”

 

 

 

Jeno cringes when Donghyuck shamelessly runs his hands on Mark’s chest. “New hair? Looks good.” He purrs out, Jeno finishes his drink and gets ready to grab more. He wasn’t drunk enough to watch Donghyuck make a fool out of himself, the boy hadn’t even drank all that much Jeno didn’t understand how he was already acting like that.

Mark chuckles nervously and plays with his curly pink locks. “Thanks?” Donghyuck rolls a strand around his index finger and giggles.

“I love the noodle hair look on you.” He mumbles.

The boy comes back and locks eyes with Mark who mouths ‘Help me’, Jeno think for a while before grabbing Donghyuck by the waist and forcing him to stop playing with the pastel pink locks. “Hyuck, c’mon stop.”

“Stop! Why are you doing that?” Donghyuck whines. “Are you jealous or what?”

“No I’m being considerate to Mark.” He sighs loudly.

“What’s up guys?” Jaemin greets and looks at all of them one by one. “Never mind I’m gone again.”

Mark grabs the sleeve of the boy’s denim jacket and shoots him the best puppy eyes he could muster. “Take me with?” Jaemin laugh but nods anyways and they both disappear in the crowd.

Donghyuck huffs and pouts like a little kid. “He took him from me!”

“Dude, Mark isn’t into you.” Jeno rubs the side of his head with the pad of his index fingers and sighs once again. “You two could be great friend but you scare him off with this constant flirting.”

“Just say you’re jealous and stop trying to make _me_ feel bad.” Donghyuck spits out, grabs a random cup that was probably not even his and also disappears somewhere inside the room. Jeno looks up at the ceiling and closes his eyes, he hated drunk Donghyuck more than anything.

 

 

Jeno didn’t know what the problem was, he didn’t know if he had spent too much time kissing Donghyuck and gotten used to it, or if the girl he was currently making out with simply sucked. Either way, he wasn’t enjoying it at all and wanted to leave as soon as possible. “I gotta go.” He mumbles and pushes her off him gently, she shoots him a puzzled look and so he sighs. “Like, I think I gotta puke. Sorry.”

He hopes she doesn’t think the puking excuse was due to her, well technically it was but it wasn’t as he wanted to hurt anyone because he couldn’t get himself to enjoy anyone else’s presence anymore. It was so pathetic, and the fact that he couldn’t do anything but accept the fact that no one felt the same as Donghyuck made him feel even more pathetic. He knew that no matter how many people he tried to kiss that night he just wouldn’t be satisfied, meanwhile Donghyuck was probably on his third make out session with some random person somewhere in the house.

Jeno hits his forehead against the cold mirror and watches as it fogs whenever he breathed out, he felt _pathetic._ Parties were supposed to be fun, and he was drunk so technically he shouldn’t even be thinking of the other, but there he was staring at his own reflection with pure pity in his eyes.

“Bro is someone inside? I need to pee super bad.” He hears from outside and sighs.

“Yeah, sorry, coming!” Jeno splashes water on his face before opening the door and disappearing in the middle of the crowd again. He wanted to go home but couldn’t get himself to leave before knowing Donghyuck was okay, _pathetic._

The alcohol burns his throat, he’d sure he was going to regret drinking that much the next morning but anything was better than sulking for the next hour or so. He wanted to prove to himself that he could and would have fun, so Jeno makes it his next goal to find someone to fool around with.

But no one really caught his attention, even with the alcohol running in his veins he still couldn’t let go. “This is irritating.” He mumbles to himself and flops on the couch on top of someone, he hadn’t even noticed there was another person there until he’s thrown on the floor violently. “What the fuck.”

“What the fuck? What the fuck!” Jeno looks up from the floor and smiles brightly when he sees Donghyuck frowning back at him.

“What are you doing here?” He hiccups while getting on his knees.

“We came together, remember? Are you that shitfaced?” Donghyuck places his hand on the side of the other’s face and clicks his tongue disapprovingly. “I thought I was the irresponsible one.”

Jeno frowns cutely. “I needed to have fun!”

“Are you?”

“No.”

Donghyuck cackles and pats the free spot next to him telling Jeno to sit next to him, the boy gladly complies sitting a little bit too close to be normal. “Neither am I, truthfully.”

“Why not?!” Jeno asks, secretly hoping the answer would be the same as his but, at the same time, knowing full well that was foolish. “I didn’t see you all evening I thought you were having a blast.”

“Dunno, I just feel bored with everyone today? Y’know?” _Yes I do._ “Maybe I’m just not in the mood today, who knows.”

Jeno bites the inside of his cheek, nodding instead of giving a proper answer. He stares at Donghyuck’s soft features with a drowsy smile on his face, if Donghyuck noticed the extra attention he was getting from the other, he didn’t care, because he kept on watching the people that passed by him.

He finally snaps out of it and turns to face Jeno. “Let’s go home, I don’t think anything will save this night.” Donghyuck presses his cheek against the boy’s shoulder and looks up at his with big puppy eyes, Jeno feels his breath hitch at the view.

“Yeah, I think you’re right.” He swallows down the lump forming inside his throat and smiles weakly. “Let’s go home.”

 

 

 

Donghyuck kicks a tiny rock on the floor and watches as it flies far away from him, the only sound filling his ears were shoes dragging across the floor and the crashing of waves. There was the occasional sound of chatter coming from inside one of the houses or far away in a street nearby, but apart from that, it was all very much quiet.

He stabs his nails against the palm of his hand and keeps his head low with his hoodie on, he couldn't pretend to look okay for the time being so, if anyone was to greet him, Jeno would take over and give them his best smile to compensate. Speaking of which, Donghyuck couldn't help the guilt pouring out of him for dragging Jeno out of his house when he should be having fun just to bother him once again. But he couldn't help it, the anxiety had struck out of nowhere and wouldn't leave no matter what he did, after many mental fights Donghyuck had finally given in and sought his friend. He had told Jeno he could wait, that being next to him was good enough and that he could keep gaming with whoever he was with but Jeno had denied and turned off his laptop right away. As expected, but it still made him feel awfully guilty.

The plan was to stay over for the evening, but it didn't seem to be possible. Jeno's family was staying over for a few days hence the chance of them walking up on them was too high, Donghyuck didn't like the idea of having to go out again and try to find a deserted place they could hang out at but there didn't seem to be much of a choice. So there they were, on their way to one of their spots which would hopefully be empty.

Jeno looks over in the boy's direction with sad eyes, they were in public which technically meant he had to keep a stupid safe distance or else people would babble. But he didn't want to care, Donghyuck was quite obviously keeping himself steady with the little energy he had left, it looked like he was going collapse at any second. Jeno wanted to make sure he didn't and calm him down but he couldn't just yet and that was killing him, he wished things were different.

"I want to hold your hand." He whispers, as quiet as he could possibly manage. "So bad."

Donghyuck moves his head even lower and hides his hands inside the pockets of his hoodie. "Five... Five more minutes." He croaks out. Jeno feels his self-restrain start to collapse so he looks up at the sky and observes it while walking so he could forget his friend by his side, living in a close minded town was awful and Jeno wasn't sure how he hadn't gone mad just yet.

The sun had almost set when they finally get there, the old lighthouse stood abandoned and slightly bent to the left. Donghyuck keeps on walking without once raising his head, but Jeno wastes no time and, as soon as he makes sure no one was around, snakes his arms around the boy's torso from the back nuzzling his face on Donghyuck's nape comfortably. "Finally." He breathes out and pecks the back of the boy's head. "Did something happen?"

He shakes his head and lets himself relax against the other's body. "They keep happening... These random attacks with no apparent trigger..." He breathes in deeply. "It’s tiring, Jeno. I'm so tired."

Jeno presses his face against the boy's hair placing kisses occasionally while running his hands up and down Donghyuck's arms in an attempt to calm him down. "Hey, you're going through a tough time right now. You've survived the others I know you'll get over this one too." He whispers smoothly and turns the boy around so he could face him. "What do you need?"

He shrugs weakly. "I don't know. But you calm me down." Donghyuck mumbles against Jeno's shirt. "So, you."

"Well, you know you've always got me."

"I know." He sighs deeply and furrows his eyebrows. "You're spoiling me, I feel so bad Jeno."

The boy forces Donghyuck to stop hiding away, but even then he would refuse to look at Jeno in the eyes. "What the fuck you mean you feel bad?"

"Because I always ruin your fun with my problems you were just having a great time today, gaming and whatnot then I com-"

"What if I tell you I prefer being with you above anything?"

"Dude I'm a big mess right now practically begging you to take care of me and shit... that isn't how anyone wants to spend their evening." Donghyuck huffs, tears were starting to form no matter how much he tried to contain them.

Jeno grabs Donghyuck's cheeks and forces the boy to look at him. "You're still you even if you're going through a rough time, and since you're you, then I don't care what my other plans are."

"That's toxic... You shouldn't put me in a pedestal like that, Jeno." He bites his lip painfully hard, the eye contact was proving to be too much for his already weakened body.

"I can't help it I'm sorry." The boy frowns. "Hyuck, I like being with you too much."

Donghyuck frowns back at him, everything about what they had going on was toxic and he hated that he deep down couldn't get himself to care. "We're going to end up destroying one another."

"This is your mind making you pessimistic, that's not going to happen. You do me good." Jeno places his hands on both sides of the boy's face. "You do me so good."

"Fuck, no I don’t." Donghyuck growls and tries to get away but Jeno doesn't let him. "One day you're going to wake up, thirty and single, just because you decided to dedicate your life to supporting me so I don't just jump inside water and kill myself, and realise you wasted your fucking life on a lost case."

"Shut up, shut up." Jeno whispers and shakes his head. "That isn't true who says you're a lost case? Who says I'm going to regret it? I love you so much."

Donghyuck lets out a frustrated yell once he feels tears streaming down his face, a loud sob rips through against his will and so he closes his eyes. He couldn't face Jeno anymore, he couldn't believe he was weak enough to let Jeno waste his life on him like that. A wave crashes nearby, he wishes he could run for it. "Jeno I love you too but please let go." The other's hold weakens enough for Donghyuck to take a few steps back and collapse on the floor. "Why won't you give up on me, please give up so I gather the courage to end my dumb self."

"Stop saying shit like that." Jeno cries out and evolves Donghyuck's body with his. "What would I do if you killed yourself?"

"Live! Like actually fucking live! Without having me anchoring you down! Imagine you could just freely roam around without worrying I'm going to have another episode, sounds fucking terrific."

Jeno shakes his head violently, tears stream down his face as he gently kisses Donghyuck's now ginger locks. "I like my life as it is why can't you put that into your head?"

"Yeah? You love being my damn parent, acting as if you own me anything? Why do you act as if I came out of you, why don't you ask for something back from all the shit I make you go through? Why don't you want to live? Why can't I die?" He rambles, on and on, not caring that he was causing a huge distress on the other. Perhaps then Jeno would finally understand.

"You don't own me anything. Nothing. I treat you like I do because I care for you, you're the person I love the most, Hyuck why don't you just accept it? Stop deciding things on my behalf." Jeno pets Donghyuck hoping that it'd somewhat break whatever spell the other seemed to be on.

Donghyuck raises his head to stare at the vast sea, a sinister smile creeps onto his face and he chuckles. "I should've done it, back when you didn't care."

"You're the best thing that happened to me." He promises, but Donghyuck doesn't seem to hear it at all.

"Should've disappeared when no one would notice." The boy faces Jeno with a poker face. "But you'd forget it, right? Memories fade, I would fade too. My existence wouldn't even feel real."

Jeno sobs and grabs Donghyuck's body with as much strength as he could possibly manage without breaking the other, there was so much frustration and sadness running in his veins but he knew he couldn't give in and get angry. This wasn't Donghyuck talking. "I'd keep you alive until the day I'd die."

"This is so toxic." Donghyuck grumbles.

"I DONT CARE!" Jeno snaps and tries to breathe in and own in a calming fashion to get himself together. "I don’t care how toxic this this is, fuck I couldn't care less at this point. Let me love you in peace." Jeno begs knowing full well it was in vain.

"That's the problem, Jeno. You can't love me in peace like you want so badly. Because I'm not..."

"Don't say normal." He growls, his whole body shook with anger but he pushes it down. "You're normal."

"Joke of the century, truly. You call this" He points at himself. "Normal?"

Jeno breathes in sharply. "Yes, you're normal. You're lovable, and you're amazing." Donghyuck laughs loudly. "And I'm not going to give up on loving you just like that."

 

 

"You almost didn't make it to the curfew." Chan nags as soon as Donghyuck steps inside their room. "Why the fuck is your boyfriend here?"

"Unless you want someone jumping down the window tonight I'd help my 'boyfriend' hide before someone finds out he's staying over." Donghyuck says bitterly, both of his roommates cringe at how forward he had spoken but waste no time in coming up with ways of hiding Jeno.

When the door clicks open just a few minutes later, Jeno was already in his hiding spot praying the gods above that the plan would work. The conversation doesn't drag on too long, the woman asks them a few questions about their day and says goodbye without looking around. They didn't expect her to, but just for precaution it was better that Jeno hid.

"It's fine to come out again." Donghyuck says nonchalantly. "You sure your parents were fine with it?"

Jeno cleans the dust off his pants and nods. "Told them I’m crashing at Jaemin's, his parents are barely around so no witnesses." He explains calmly. "It's fine."

"Okay." The boy makes space for Jeno to lay down. "Oh pyjamas are a problem." He mumbles curses under his breath and groans loudly, both his roommates were just as short as he was.

The boy chuckles and starts undressing not caring if the two strangers were watching, it was too dark to see any details anyways and it wasn't any different from when he had to go to the beach. "No problem."

"What... are you doing..." Donghyuck eyes the other up and down.

"Sleeping with my boxers only, it's warm enough." He shrugs and makes his way under the covers, Donghyuck makes a noise in the back of his throat but doesn't complain either.

They move around for a while, adjusting their position so both would be comfy, and then a peaceful silence falls inside the room. Donghyuck breathes in Jeno's natural scent and smiles against the skin of the boy's chest, he never admitted just how much it calmed him down in fear of sounding weird but he bet Jeno knew anyways.

"If I hear any moans, I'm calling Mrs. Moon, by the way." Suhyu says and Donghyuck groans loudly.

"Idiot I was this close to falling asleep." He growls angrily. "I'll make sure to moan even louder just for you, though. Bitch." Donghyuck rubs his face against Jeno's chest and makes a sleepy sound.

"I'll record it and sell it then."

"Pretty sure that’d be child pornography and you could get sued for it if I wanted." He fights back.

"BOTH OF YOU SHUT UP I WANT TO SLEEP, DICKHEADS." Chan whisper yells angrily, and then silence is made for the rest of the night.

 

 

 

Donghyuck thought that, when he had asked to use the kitchen, it would’ve meant him by himself not surrounded by little Minions without anything better to do than annoy him. He could’ve sworn the main kitchen was a no-go room, and yet there he was surrounded by at least seven kids who had made their life purpose to drive him insane.

“How are you all allowed in there anyways?!” He finally snaps when he spots one of the boys eating the sugar out of the pack with a spoon. “Give me that you idiot, I don’t want your germs in my cake.”

“Mrs. Lee said we should help you bake your cake!” A little girls respond while analysing a spatula like it was made of gold. “So here we are!”

“You’re not helping me at all, could you leave?!” They all shake their heads. “Could you then STOP messing around?! I gotta finish this before visiting hours start.”

They quiet down for a few minutes which was enough for Donghyuck do most of the things that needed to be done, but of course the little spawns of Satan could not handle being nice for too long. When he turns around after turning the oven on, he finds them putting their _tiny chubby_ fingers inside the mixture.

“Hey! Hey what the heck.” He yells and slaps their hands away. “God you’re all disgusting and annoying I hope I never have kids.” They all pout but Donghyuck was too angry to be tricked. “Get out of this damned kitchen!”

Some stay frozen in their spot while the rest run out the door giggling, Donghyuck glares at them, grabs the mixer and turns it on. The look of horror that flashes across their faces is oddly satisfying, especially since it seems to work and he’s finally left alone.

Donghyuck seriously hoped they hadn’t put something in the cake that would make it taste bad, it was supposed to be a thank you to Jeno for having stayed over when he shouldn’t have and a food poisoning definitely wasn’t something he wanted to give as a present. The boy stares at the substance, it looked normal, but then again it was kind of impossible to tell with a naked eye.

He puts the cake in the oven and sighs loudly. There were a few hours left, he still had to clean the kitchen but even then Donghyuck felt like he was going to die of boredom till Jeno finally came over. He wished he could fast-forwards time.

 

 

He lets out a loud high-pitched screech when Jeno grabs his leg and drags him across the floor, the boy looks down at him with a smirk of victory but Donghyuck wasn’t having it. The next thing Jeno knows, he’s landing on his butt on the hard floor. “I won’t let you win.” Donghyuck growls and crawls on top of him, Jeno rolls his eyes and grabs his wrists. “Let go.”

The boy shakes his head and starts playing with Donghyuck’s arms as if he was a muppet and, no matter how much he tried to get away, Jeno was stronger. “Oh! Don’t hit yourself!” He chuckles and makes Donghyuck hit himself against his will.

“Real mature, Jeno Lee.” Donghyuck spits out and tries biting the boy’s hand so he’d let go, it works and Jeno finally lets go but not before shrieking loudly. “Now, what were we doing before you decided to attack me like a wild animal?”

Jeno rubs his face. “Oops looks like I can’t reca-“

“Oh yes! I was trying to get you to study.” Donghyuck grabs the books he had left on of the bed and throws them on top of Jeno who grunts at the impact. “If you don’t pass the year I’m going to actually kill you.”

“What are you going to gain from me being dead?” The boy shoves the books aside and glares at the other.

“Peace.” He mumbles while getting the desk ready. “Come before I beat you up.”

“I come here to spend quality time with you, and this is what I get?”

Donghyuck rolls his eyes. “Well perhaps if you studied when you were home instead of doing whatever you do, I wouldn’t do this.”

“You’re not my mom.” Jeno gets up reluctantly and sits on the chair near the desk, Donghyuck raises his hand up high threateningly but the boy stay nonchalant. “You don’t need to force me to study or anything.”

“You’re failing like three classes.”

“You’re still not my mom.”

Donghyuck raises his eyebrows and scoffs. “Alright fine if you prefer to fail the year and repeat next to Chenle then be my guest. But I don’t want to hear you complaining when we all graduate and you’re left behind.” He spits out and leaves the room.

Jeno frowns and stays stone cold where he sat. “Fuck.”

 

 

It’s only hours later that he dares to come out of the room, his head hurt and he couldn’t stand another second without saying sorry to Donghyuck. He walks downstairs while looking everywhere for the boy but the place was crowded like usual making it hard to distinguish who was who.

“Handsome boy!” Someone says and he looks in the direction of the sound only to find Donghyuck surrounded by kids.

They lock eyes for a few seconds before Donghyuck breaks it off and focuses his attention back on the little girl’s face. “Close your eyes, and don’t open them till I say so.” He says gently before applying eyeshadow on the lids.

Jeno comes closer quietly and watches as the other puts his artsy skills in use. “Is it done?” The girls whines.

“Almost finished, this makeup is just terrible. I need to put so much for the colour to show up.” Donghyuck sighs loudly and continues doing his job ignoring Jeno’s presence completely. “Does it look good?” He asks and some kids reply with ‘Yes’ but Donghyuck doesn’t seem satisfied because he repeats himself. “Does it look good, Jeno?”

“Uh?” He snaps out of it and moves his eyes towards the boy. “Me?”

“No, the other Jeno. Yes you, idiot.”

He flips him off and comes closer so he could take a better look at the girl’s face. “It looks pretty, I always told you that you have a talent for it.”

Donghyuck scoffs but can’t help the tiny smile from spreading on his lips. “Thanks.”

A little boy pats Jeno’s thigh to catch his attention. “What is?” Jeno asks softly and moves his head close to him.

“Can you do airplane? Like, lift me up! Donghyuck tried it but he’s too weak.”

“Am not! You just kept on moving! Liar.” The boy fight back with an offended look on his face. “Annoying ass.” He mutters under his breath and goes back to doing a girl’s makeup.

Jeno chuckles and stays staring at Donghyuck focused expression for a few seconds before finally turning to face the kid again. “Alright, we can try it.” The little boy start clapping enthusiastically, Jeno takes his shoes off and lays on his back totally ignoring the fact that it was probably dirty from the amount of kids that had been playing around on it all morning. “If you fall, it’s not my fault though.”

If the boy had listened he didn’t care, he pushes his tummy against Jeno’s feet and they intertwine their hands before Jeno pushes him up. The kid giggles loudly while Jeno moves his legs up and down, even Donghyuck stops doing what he was doing to watch the scene with a fond look on his face – that he makes sure to hide as soon as Jeno looks in his direction.

“See, hyung, Jeno’s just stronger.” The kid teases once they finally stop fooling around, Donghyuck raises his fist at him

“Go away before you get your ass beat.” He commands and points somewhere in the room, the boy pokes his tongue out before disappearing out of everyone’s sight. “Anyways, I’m finished.” Donghyuck pokes the girl’s cheek and smiles lovingly. “Want it too, Jeno?”

The boy looks at him wide eyed. “And come home looking like that?”

“Like what.” He cocks his eyebrow up.

“Hyuck listen my mom would think I went to some whore house.” Jeno slams his lips together when he remember there were kids all around them.

“But you’d look so pretty.” Donghyuck pouts. “Whatever, who’s next?”

Hours go by and Jeno isn’t even sure he was allowed to stay that long there, the sun had already set and the room wasn’t as crowded anymore since most visitors had left long ago. But he didn’t want to leave just yet, he was pleased watching Donghyuck do one of the things he loved the most.

Finally there was no one left for Donghyuck to doll up, the boy flops onto the floor and grunts. “I’m so tired, I was running out of pretty combinations.” He mumbles closing his eyes as he does so.

Jeno moves closer and sits next to the boy. “I should probably go.” He says as he pokes the boy’s nose, Donghyuck giggles and opens his eyes. “It’s getting late.” The other nods and lets Jeno helps him up.

The room, for once, wasn’t empty. Both roommates eye Jeno up and down with a knowing smile before going back to their activities, Donghyuck hurries his friend to get his things the fastest possible before one of them decided to start teasing.

There was a smell of food filling the air when they come back out, which definitely meant Jeno was way past visiting hours. No one seemed to care, though, or the workers were too tired to be able to distinguish who lived there and who didn’t. “Thank you for the cake once again, you didn’t have to.” Jeno smiles softly.

Donghyuck looks around them before leaving a chaste kiss on the boy’s lips. “Sleep we-“

“Are you two dating?” A high-pitched voice asks behind him, Donghyuck closes his eyes and breathes in slowly.

He turns around only to find Gowoon staring up at with her big eyes. “Why?”

“Because you just kissed him!” She points at Jeno and bats her eyelashes.

Donghyuck chokes on his own spit, looks back at Jeno and begs for help with his eyes. Jeno stays still, however, and watches the scene with a sly smirk on his face. “Stop being so forwards.” He whisper yells to the girl. “Why are you so shameless?”

“I’m being like you!” She giggles. “I wanna be cool and direct like you!”

His eyes soften, he lets out a chuckle and pats the top of her head, it was impossible to be mad at Gowoon for longer than a few seconds. “Handsome Boy is yours, remember? Not mine.”

“But I want Handsome Boy to be yours now!” She grins. “You kissed him, he’s yours!”

“You’re acting as if I’m a dog that pisses on its property.” He mumbles to himself hopefully quietly enough for the girl to not hear it properly. “Listen, let’s talk about it later.” Gowoon nods happily.

Donghyuck stands straight again and looks at Jeno with an awkward smile. “I hate kids.”

“Lies.”

“And I hate you too.” He huffs and hits Jeno’s chest lightly. “Whatever, sleep well.”

“I will, if I dream of you.”

Donghyuck fake gags and pushes Jeno towards the door. “You’re absolutely disgusting!”

 

 

 

It was an interesting view, Donghyuck had to admit. Watching Jeno’s muscles contract and relax as he did his arm workout was truly hypnotizing, so much that he had totally forgotten there were about five more boys inside the gym at the same time as them. “You look hot.” He blurts out, perhaps a bit too loudly. Jeno snaps his head to look at him wide eyed and discreetly checks if anyone had heard. “I doubt anyone in here would care.”

Jeno clicks his tongue. “You’re right.” He smirks and pulls the weight while keeping eye contact with Donghyuck. “Hot, uh?”

“Don’t brag too much.” Donghyuck rolls his eyes but soon after drifts his then downwards towards the boy’s biceps and sighs deeply. “Fine, you can brag about it, I guess.”

The other chuckles lightly and goes back to concentrating on his workout minding no business to Donghyuck who looked like a wild animal looking at its prey, it wasn’t his fault he had never seen Jeno _like that._

He presses his back against the humid wall of the small gym just as someone greets him, Donghyuck looks up and smiles brightly. “What goes on, Suhyu?” The other boy fist bumps him and shrugs.

“Not much.” Suhyu slurs out and then giggles as if he had just remembered something. “Is your boyfriend going to start coming here often?”

Donghyuck scoffs, he couldn’t be bothered to deny Jeno being his boyfriend anymore since no one ever took him seriously. “I guess so, he needed a gym and no one gives a crap if he’s not even from here.”

Suhyu nods and turns around to wave at Jeno who blinks back at him before awkwardly waving back with a forced smile, Donghyuck frowns but forces it to go away when Suhyu turns to him again. “Well, I gotta go! Enjoy your time.” Donghyuck nods and shoots him a soft smile that vanishes as soon as the boy leaves the room.

“What the fuck was that?” He tries to not growl at Jeno but it doesn’t really work very well. The other gives him a puzzled look and tilts his head. “ _That._ Why did you look so fucking uncomfortable?”

Jeno stops in his tracks and gulps visibly. “I- Don’t know?”

“Yes you do.” Donghyuck sighs. “I didn’t deem you the judgy type.”

“I am not!” He fights. “I just didn’t know how to act.”

“Why? Because he’s mentally disabled?” The boy crosses his arms in front of his chest, he hated the topic so much but he also hated the way Jeno had tensed when Suhyu had greeted him. It reminded him of all the snobby kids that constantly made fun of _them,_ as if foster kids were any different just because they had no parents. It made his blood boil, so if you didn’t fit the standard normal person characteristics you were not like them? Donghyuck didn’t want to believe Jeno was like that.

Jeno gapes like a fish and frowns. “I’m sorry, I didn’t mean it like that. I’m not used to it.” He admits while biting on his bottom lip harshly.

Donghyuck stands up, walks towards the other boy and sits right in front of him. “Okay, look, think with me. I look normal, right? Like if you saw me in the streets, you wouldn’t think much of it, right?” Jeno nods. “But, I’m not normal. You know I’m not. In fact, I could be a total psychopath, a killer, but people would still treat me more nicely than they’d treat Suhyu. Why? Because he doesn’t _look_ normal. Isn’t that a bit unfair?”

The other opens his mouth to talk but no words leave, instead his lips stay semi open while his brain processes what Donghyuck was trying to say. They stay in silence for a few seconds, the sound of the other boys inside the gym blurred out as if they were in their own tiny world.

“I understand.” Jeno nods and sighs. “It’s just that we are never really… Put in contact with people that aren’t what we consider normal.”

“Uhm yes, gotta love rich kids.” Donghyuck says bitterly making Jeno frown. “You know I love you but-“

“No I get it.” He gives him a frail smile. “Thanks.”

Donghyuck smiles back and ruffles the boy’s sweaty locks cringing right after. “Ugh gross, go take a shower.”

Jeno rolls his eyes. “What’d you expect? I’ve been working out for like two hours I’m obviously going to be sweaty.” Donghyuck flicks his forehead. “Fine, fine. I’m going. See you in a bit?” He bats his eyelashes making Donghyuck giggle.

“Of course.” He comes closer, so close he could see the sweat pooled on the boy’s face. “I still haven’t kissed you today, I couldn’t let you go just like that.”

 

 

 

Jaemin is pretty, extremely pretty, in fact. On top of that, much to his demise, the boy was also a chaotic flirter even putting Donghyuck to shame at times. Not that he minded, he wasn’t the jealous type after all, the problem was when Jaemin flirted with _him_ because even if they weren’t exactly friends they weren’t strangers either. Not that that ever had stopped him from kissing Jeno, but that was different.

“Your cheeks are red.” Jaemin points out with a shit eating grin, Donghyuck wishes he had it in his to flip the boy off. Instead, he feels his cheeks get even warmer and giggles like a school girl. _Gross._ “That’s cute.”

Jeno looks between them with a puzzled and disgusted look on his face. “What is going on here?” He shrieks, Renjun snorts next to him. “What do you want?” He snaps.

Renjun puts his arms up in the air in surrender. “Just… You really can’t hide it when you’re jealous can you?” He snorts and Jeno pushes him so hard that the boy falls on the sand right away. “Fuck you.” Renjun snarls and attempts to push Jeno as well, but the boy barely moves. “Muscle pig, I hate you.”

“The feeling is mutual.” Jeno scoffs and goes back to focusing on how Jaemin was undressing Donghyuck with his eyes, not that there was much to undress anyways. The worst part? Donghyuck seemed to be loving every second of it, and he knew they weren’t _a thing_ but he couldn’t help the jealousy building up inside of him.

Not even Mark was catching Donghyuck attention like usual, maybe because Donghyuck had finally given up on him, part of him was happy for that but he had gone back to square one because Mark had seemingly been replaced by Jaemin.

“Your skin tone is so pretty, Donghyuck.” Jaemin praises out of the blue, Jeno closes his eyes and lets a sour smile rise to his face.

“Oh, thank you! I like it a lot too.” Donghyuck was speaking with his overly sweet voice, it was embarrassingly obvious but Jaemin seemed to adore it and comes even closer till they were on the same towel. “Yours is pretty too, though.”

Jaemin giggles. “I still think yours is superior.”

“Anyone wanna go for a swim?” Jeno doesn’t know if he’s just being plain obvious and Chenle was trying to get him out of there before he flipped or if the boy was also tired of the gross flirting going on. Either way, he perks up and nods enthusiastically. “Anyone else going?”

Everyone nods except Donghyuck and Jaemin who didn’t even seem like they had listened to a word that had been said. “Guys?” Jisung tries and pokes Jaemin’s back with his foot.

Jaemin frowns and looks at them. “What?”

“We’re going for a swim, are you guys coming?” Chenle explains exasperatedly.

“I think I’ll pass.” Jaemin shrugs and looks at Donghyuck with a hopeful look.

“Yeah, I think I’ll pass as well.” Donghyuck grins.

Jeno scoffs. “Just remember that if you make out in front of everyone in this beach then we won’t come to save your asses. Suffer the consequences.” He warns, way too bitterly to be normal. Donghyuck locks eyes with Jeno and frowns but Jaemin just shrugs again.

“There’s a forest right behind us, so.”

Donghyuck giggles and breaks the eye contact he had going on with Jeno. “Should we go, then?” He wiggles his eyebrows at Jaemin who nods.

 _Wait no that’s our spot._ Jeno opens his mouth wide open when both boys get up and turn their backs to them without a single care in the world. “Wait where are you going come back here!” He demands pathetically, if Donghyuck had heard him then he didn’t care.

Mark pats his back and the rest of the group looks at him with pity in their eyes, he feels utterly pathetic once again.

 

 

“I can’t believe you did that.” Jeno whispers weakly when they’re already back in Donghyuck’s room, it was almost the end of visitor hours but Jeno didn’t care. If he had to, he would jump out of the window. He wanted to be with Donghyuck, no matter how pathetic that made him feel.

Donghyuck hums and shrugs, as if it wasn’t a big deal at all. Jeno couldn’t even fight with him about it since technically, there wasn’t anything to fight about. He too had made out with many people, but it felt weird this time around. Jaemin was… too close. And the fear of him stealing Donghyuck’s heart hurt too much, he would have to see them together often if that were to happen. Jeno wasn’t sure if he could survive.

“Was it nice?” He asks quietly.

Donghyuck nods against the boy’s chest and chuckles. “Yes, he’s really soft all over.”

Jeno makes a pained expression, Donghyuck couldn’t see him anyways. “Define all over…”

“I meant his face, Jeno.” The boy snorts.

“Oh, okay.” Jeno lets out a sigh of relief and closes his eyes.

“What does that even mean?” Donghyuck looks up so he can stare at Jeno’s face.

The boy rolls his eyes from under his eyelids. “It means ‘Oh, okay’. What else could it mean?”

Donghyuck furrows his eyebrows and squints his eyes. “Whatever you say.” He gives up going back to his original position, an ugly feeling started forming inside of him when Jeno doesn’t even try to fight back.

 

 

 

He sits on the floor near to where Jeno was exercising, this time around they were the only two around which meant Donghyuck could be even more obvious about his thirst and Jeno obviously didn’t mind the extra attention he was getting from it all.

Donghyuck’s eyes follow the boy’s moves like a little kitten, eyes wide and lips slightly parted in awe. He knew he couldn’t lift that much, he wondered just how strong Jeno was. It wasn’t as if he looked weak per say, but he definitely didn’t look buff enough to able to lift almost one hundred kilos with that much ease. It amazed him, he knew if he tried lifting the much weight he’d break his limbs right away. Perhaps he should start working out as well.

Jeno groans as he pushes himself on the leg press, Donghyuck frowns at the boy’s pained expression. “Don’t you think you’re overdoing it?”

The boy lets himself go and throws his head back, panting loudly for a minute or so before he could speak properly. “Yeah, probably.” He chuckles lightly, drifting his gaze to look at Donghyuck worried face. “I’m not dying don’t worry, sometimes you gotta push your limits.”

“Not like that! You looked like you were going to bust a damn vein. Be careful.” He pouts.

Jeno can’t help the soft smile that shows up on his face at the other’s worry, he knew he wasn’t pushing it _that_ hard but seeing Donghyuck care so much made his heart warm. “You’re adorable.”

“Cut it out and stop trying to show off.” Donghyuck flips him off and rolls his eyes.

“Who says I was trying to show off?” Jeno feigns ignorance while putting the weight lower and restarting the leg exercises, Donghyuck flips him off again and is about to say something but closes his mouth again when his attention focuses on Jeno’s thighs. “Hyuck.” The boy cackles.

“My bad.” He bats his eyelashes innocently and moves his eyes away towards the boy’s face. “I hate you and your stupid Greek god looking body what kinda bullshit is this? Even your face looks like was sculpted by the gods.”

Jeno feels so shocked by the sudden praises that he lets go too soon, he grunts in pain when his legs collide against the machine too fast. Donghyuck runs up to him with an even more worried expression and starts bombarding Jeno with questions. “Slow down, it’s fine just hurts a little bit.” He chuckles and places his hand on top of Donghyuck’s mouth.

The other frowns and tries getting Jeno’s hand away, it doesn’t work so he decides to start kissing the boy’s palm over and over. “That feels good.” Jeno admits with a faint blush on his cheeks and pulls his hand away, Donghyuck quirks one of his eyebrows up and moves his head closer to Jeno’s.

“Y’know what I should do?” Jeno blinks back at him. “Kiss it better, why of course!”

Jeno doesn’t even have time to react, the next thing he knows Donghyuck has his lips connected with his and starts kissing so furiously it probably looked like they hadn’t kissed in years. Not that he was complaining, but it had been so sudden that he has to part ways so he can breathe. “You’re really something else.” He breathes out with a soft smile on his lips.

Donghyuck flips his inexistent long hair. “Maybe so.”

“My legs still hurt, guess it needs even more kisses till it finally heals.” Jeno pouts, Donghyuck snorts and decides to sit on the boy’s lap before going at it again.

They kiss for what seems like forever, Donghyuck loved the way Jeno kept on biting down on his bottom lip and gently sucking on it. The difference between kissing someone else than one another was that when it came to each other, they already knew what was okay and what wasn’t. What they liked, what they loved, what they hated. Jeno loved how much tongue Donghyuck used, and Donghyuck loved how much teeth Jeno used, it just fit perfectly like a puzzle piece.

It was something others lacked, Jeno had come into terms with it a while back he wasn’t sure Donghyuck felt it too, though. And he never dared mention it, scared Donghyuck would run away from him if he did so.

“We should go.” Jeno croaks out, his lips were starting to hurt but he didn’t want to admit it. Donghyuck knew, but decided to not tease the boy for it for once. “Are you going to shower with me?” He asks giving the other his best puppy eyes.

“Dude if we get caught I’m going to clean toilets till I turn eighteen.” He sighs. Jeno rubs his face on the boy’s neck and gently sucks on a sensitive spot, Donghyuck whimpers and slaps his shoulder. “Ugh fine, get off me!”

“You’re the one sitting on top of me, though.” Jeno smirks smugly.

Donghyuck gets off him in a blink of an eye and stands by his side with his arms crossed in front of his chest. “If we get caught, you better make it up for me.”

Jeno cocks his eyebrow up. “Ah, how so?”

“I don’t know, idiot, come up with something.” He grabs Jeno’s wrist and pushes him off the machine. “Snail ass looking bitc-“ Jeno kisses his nape without any warning and he whimpers once again. “God, I really fucking hate you.”

 

 

 

Donghyuck grunts when he feels his back collide with something, he couldn’t even figure out what it was since they were locked inside the pitch black storage room. Thankfully nothing gets knocked off, or else people would find out they were in there and that would probably mean Donghyuck would have to spend the rest of the month cleaning toilets.

“Careful.” Jeno whispers and giggles.

“You pushed me!” The other whisper yells.

Jeno feels Donghyuck’s face till he figures out where his cheek was and cups it with his hand gently. “I’m sorry then.” He traces the boy’s cheekbone with his thumb before attempting to kiss him, it fail and his lips land on Donghyuck’s chin.

Both boys giggle quietly at that, Donghyuck tries to figure out where Jeno’s lips were by poking all over the boy’s face and guides himself to kiss the right spot. He doesn’t know if it’s because everything is hidden by darkness, or if it’s because of the excitement that came with doing things he shouldn’t, but Donghyuck thinks the kiss feels exceptionally good.

It’s all fun and game until the door slams open and the lights turn on, Donghyuck hisses loudly at the sudden light hitting his eyes before he realises what is going on and shoves his face on Jeno’s chest. “I saw you, Donghyuck.” A familiar voice says. “Are you a guest?”

“Y-Yes.” Jeno gulps and chuckles awkwardly. “I’m very sorry.”

Donghyuck feels someone tug at his shirt and cries out, he raises his head and smiles nervously at the man. “You already know what’s going to happen to you, right?”

“Sir I’m sorry-“

“You’re not, spare me.” He snorts and pats Donghyuck’s back. “Enjoy cleaning the dirty toilets, buddy.”

The man grabs whatever he had come there to get and slams the door closed again, Jeno stares at the other in silence waiting for him to say something. “Uhhh.” Donghyuck hisses. “Worth it?”

Jeno lets out a loud laugh before covering his mouth his hand. “I would say I’m sorry but it was your idea to come here.”

“I just wanted privacy! I don’t know why my roommates suddenly decided to start using our room.” The boy huffs and cracks the door open before peaking outside to see if there was anyone nearby. “What now?”

“Wanna go out?” Jeno suggest.

Donghyuck turns to look at him and cocks his eyebrow up. “Where to?”

He comes closer and pecks the boy’s nape. “Forest.”

 

 

Jeno trails Donghyuck’s jawline with the tip of fingers with a concentrated look on his face while the other stares up at the blue sky peeking through the green leaves. A sigh of content leaves his lips and he turns his face to face Jeno who finally snaps out of his daze, Donghyuck giggles and, in a blink of an eye, throws himself on top of the other and starts spreading pecks all over his face. “Yah, Hyuck.” Jeno chokes out and tries to stop him. “What are you doing?”

“You’re so handsome.” The boy quirks his eyebrows up. “I suddenly felt like kissing your handsome face, that’s all.”

The other rolls his eyes pretending to be hating the praises but ends up pulling Donghyuck closer again so that he can capture the boy’s lips on his own, Jeno relaxes the second the other kisses back with just as much need.

Donghyuck breaks apart and goes into sitting position on top of Jeno’s stomach. “Let’s go swim.” He says before grabbing the other by the wrist and trying to push him up. “C’mon, Jeno.”

The whining seems to work because the boy gets up – with a loud grunt – and follows the other in the direction of the sea. “Why are you so random?” Jeno catches up to him and places his arm around the boys shoulder pushing their bodies closer together. “I thought you liked kisses.”

Donghyuck laughs. “You’re right, I just suddenly felt like kissing you _in sea._ ” The boy wiggles his eyebrows and starts running towards the empty beach like a wild animal. Jeno watches with a soft smile on his face, it takes him a few seconds before he decides to try and chase the other but he soon catches up.

“Tell me you’re not going in with your clothes.” He breathes out loud enough for the boy to hear.

“Course not.” He comes to an abrupt stop and starts undressing, Jeno follows until he notices a pair of boxers fall nearby his feet.

“Wait.” Jeno looks at Donghyuck’s face only to find the boy smirking smugly. “Please tell me you have two boxers.”

“Who walks around with two boxers on? Idiot.” He pokes his tongue out and starts running again leaving Jeno alone surrounded by a mess of clothing pieces.

The boy puts them all in a pile praying that no one would suddenly come there and steal their clothes, especially now that Donghyuck was apparently walking around naked. Jeno didn’t quite want to imagine how awful it’d be for them to walk around in the streets in that state, it made him shiver with embarrassment.

“What’s taking you so long?!” The other yells out before disappearing in the water again, Jeno sighs loudly and runs in his direction, diving just before a wave crashed.

Donghyuck feels something grabs his ankle and starts frantically kicking the water, Jeno grabs both of his legs to make him stop and pushes him closer so that the boy could see who it was just before they emerge. “Idiot, who else could it be?” He chuckles and bops Donghyuck nose.

“I don’t know, could be like a shark-“

“A shark?!” Jeno shrieks and tries to stop the laugh fighting to leave his lips by pressing them together tightly.

“Look, I know it sounds stupid but I panicked. Don’t be such an asshole.” He pouts and splashes a decent amount of water onto the other’s face. Jeno throws himself on top of Donghyuck and attempts to drown him playfully, the other kicks his legs repeatedly till he manages to break away. He glares at Jeno while panting loudly. “Ass…hole… I hate…you.” Donghyuck manages.

The boy smirks and comes closer placing both his hands on the side of the other’s face, gently squishing his cheeks. “The feelings isn’t mutual.” Donghyuck rolls his eyes. “There’s a new wave coming.”

“Wait wha-“ He says just as the wave hits the side of his face and Jeno disappears, Donghyuck felt as if he was about to die with the strong current that dragged him along the sand. He manages to emerge back up and starts coughing loudly.

The moments Jeno spots him, he’s already swimming as fast as he could manage to see what was wrong with so much worry that wrinkles formed on his forehead. “Hyuck? Shit.” Donghyuck coughs out a bit of water, there were tears mixing with the salty droplets as he tried to breathe in and out. “Should we go out?”

Donghyuck shakes his head. “I still haven’t kissed you.”

“Don’t be ridiculous.” Jeno forces the boy to look up.

“No I’m fine.” He smiles weakly before pushing the other so he’d fall on the water. “Don’t baby me too much, Jeno Lee.”

The other snorts and stays sitting on the floor as the waves crash on his back. “I know you love it when I baby you, so.” He raises his eyebrow up and licks his lips teasingly.

Donghyuck feigns annoyance and crawls next to him, stopping just before their lips collide. “Perhaps you’re right.” He tilts his head and puts his arms around the boy’s neck as he kisses him, Jeno places his hands firmly on the boy’s hips so that the current wouldn’t make him drift away.

It isn’t until the waves become stronger that they part, Jeno’s back was starting to hurt too much and even if he was enjoying it he couldn’t ignore it any longer. Donghyuck helps him up and they walk back to where their clothes were. “Thank God they weren’t stolen.” He sighs with relief and throws Donghyuck’s boxers right on the boy’s face. “Before anyone sees you.”

“The beach is deserted, Jeno.” The boy shakes his head but puts on the boxers anyways. “What time is it even? I hope it’s not pass my curfew or I’m dead meat.”

Jeno bites his sore lips anxiously. “Fuck, I don’t know. I didn’t bring my phone I kept it in your room.” He grabs his clothes and tries putting them on while still soaked with salty water, it doesn’t quite work out. “Screw it, just put your shirt on and lets go.”

Donghyuck nods and does as he’s told, they then walk towards the wooden gangway that would lead to the main street in pure silence. Their hands kept brushing against each other, so much that Jeno couldn’t help the urge to hold Donghyuck’s in his and start swinging them around as they walk alongside each other. Donghyuck giggles loudly and looks down at their hands with a soft smile. “Thank you.”

“What for?”

“Everything, I guess.” He mumbles while looking ahead, the chatter of people could already be heard but Donghyuck somehow didn’t feel anxious to be seen with just boxers and a shirt while holding a boy’s hand. Everyone was going to stare, but he didn’t care, for the time being at least.

“Well, thank you for existing.” Jeno says after a long awkward pause.

Donghyuck scrunches up his nose. “Damn, it really reeks suddenly.”

The other hits his shoulder with the hand holding his pants. “How come when I’m lame you act like that?”

“You sound like those white males in comedy teen movies.” Donghyuck clicks his tongue. “It’s disgusting.”

“You’re disgusting.” Jeno tries to clap back but it just makes Donghyuck have a laughing fit. “And annoying!”

“And yet you’re still holding my hand.” He smirks but it soon vanishes when Jeno snatches his hand away and crosses his arms in front of his chest like a little kid. “Jenooo.” Donghyuck whines and moves so he could face the other. “Love you.”

Jeno shakes his head. “Am not saying it back, in fact I’m not going to be lame ever again.”

Donghyuck cringes and pats his shoulder. “We both know you’re lying.” Jeno opens his mouth only to close it again. “I must admit, though, cheese is quite tasty.”

The boy scoffs and looks away. “Shut up.” He grumbles.

“How about you shut me up?”

“You’re so predictable.” Jeno scoffs once again.

“Again, we both know you’re lying.”

Jeno growls and pushes past the boy, stomping his feet loudly on the wooden boards. “Stop calling me a liar.”

Donghyuck follows behind with a playful smile on his face, he places his hands on the boy’s shoulder gently and starts massing them. “Only when you admit you love me.” Jeno slaps his hands away and walks faster.

“I will never!”

 

 

 

His ringtone sounds loudly underneath his pillow waking up all three boys inside the room, Donghyuck desperately looks for it so that he can shut the sound off. “Turn that shit off before I beat you.” Suhyu groans and hides his face with his pillow to try and muffle the noise. Donghyuck looks at the screen and smiles when he figures out who was calling.

He runs out of the room onto the bathroom and picks up the call. “Are you insane?”

“Maybe I am.” Jeno’s voice sounded weird, it was obvious he was drunk. “I want to see you.”

“It’s two in the morning!” Donghyuck whisper yells.

“Yeah, so? Tomorrow is Saturday anyways.” The boy whines. “Hyuckie, please.”

Donghyuck sighs loudly and sits on the cold floor of the bathroom, he couldn’t care less if it was dirty or not he was too sleepy to stand up for too long. “I’m so sleepy, though…” Jeno whines once again, Donghyuck chuckles and sighs deeply. “Fine, where are you?”

Jeno giggles with excitement. “Beach, our place.”

“I’m coming, but I’ll probably take very long.”

“I’d wait for years, just promise you’ll come.” Donghyuck could tell the other was pouting by how cutely he was pronouncing every word.

“Cheesy.” Is all he says before hanging up and running back inside his room.

 

 

The streets were quiet, Donghyuck kept on looking all around him for a possible killer or thief with fear running through his veins. He decides to start running instead of fast-walking so he wouldn’t have to deal with the anxiety building up inside of him by the minute, he knew it’d vanish once he’d see Jeno so the sooner he got there; the better.

He spots someone in the distance and smiles brightly. “Jeno!” Donghyuck calls out and waves when the other turns around. “You idiot, why are you drunk? Better yet, why are you drunk without me?”

Jeno whines and pulls Donghyuck’s t-shirt so the boy would sit down next to him on the big rock. “Jaemin wanted to go out for drinks but ditched me for some dude.” He sighs and puts his head on Donghyuck’s shoulder when the boy finally sits down. “Hyuck.”

The boys hums and plays with the black locks. “What is it?”

“Marry me.” He blurts out and Donghyuck squeaks, the boy looks at the other wide eyed and gapes like a fish unable to form a proper phrase. “I really, wish I’d marry you.”

“You’re crazy.” Donghyuck mumbles and pushes him jokingly.

“Am not! Why am I crazy because I want to marry you?” Jeno pouts and looks up at him with the biggest puppy eyes Donghyuck had ever seen. “Why do you keep on constantly rejecting me?” It sounded like he was about to cry, Donghyuck could hear sirens inside his head.

“Jeno, I’m not rejecting you.” He sighs loudly and forces the other to take his head off his shoulder so he could face him properly. “But have you seen me? You can’t marry me.”

“Okay but I want to.” Jeno scoffs and crosses his arms in front of his chest like a petty kid.

“You can do better…” Donghyuck frowns, turning his face to the side not being able to deal with the look of pure hurt Jeno was shooting him. “I’m so unstable, Jeno.”

He reaches out for the other and tries to turn his face so Donghyuck would lock eyes with him again but the other slaps his hand away. “You do me well, Donghyuck. You do.”

“I’m fucking insane, how good can I be? Don’t fool yourself like that.” He takes his cap off for a few seconds so he can ruffle his hair, a nervous habit he had gained over the years. “I can be here now, but I might not tomorrow. Is that the kind of person you want to spend the rest of your life next to?”

“Yes! I want you I don’t care.” Jeno places his hand on Donghyuck’s thigh and gives it a reassuring squeeze. “I want you, forever.”

“You’re seventeen.” Donghyuck finally looks at him, he hates how Jeno cringes at his harsh tone. “You can’t possibly think you won’t find better.”

Jeno closes his eyes and throws his head back in frustration. “Hyuck, if you’re not rejecting me right now then what is this? Why can’t I marry you, do you not wanna marry me?”

“We are seventeen!”

“Okay, then date me.”

“Jeno…” He fidgets with his fingers and bites his trembling lip. “We shouldn’t.”

The boy scoffs, Donghyuck can feel his body start to shake all over at how annoyed Jeno looked. He didn’t mean to make him feel rejected, that wasn’t his intention he couldn’t understand why Jeno was acting so irrationally so out of sudden. Donghyuck just hoped it was temporary due to the alcohol. “Okay.” He gets up, wobbles to the end of the rock and jumps onto the sand. “You could’ve been frontal, Hyuck. You could’ve made it simple and said I don’t like you like that. I don’t need this bullshit of excuse.”

“It’s not bullshit…” He could feel his voice shake and mentally kick himself for it, it wasn’t the time to cry.

“It is! What if you’re not the ideal person to date, does that make you unlovable?” Jeno shouts making Donghyuck shiver, he wasn’t used to the boy getting mad at him and wasn’t quite sure what to do so he stayed stone cold in his spot while the other let out his fury. “You’re not unlovable, fool! Perhaps I wanna love you with all those problems, you’re not letting me though! I’ve dealt with them for so many years and you still think I’m incapable of dealing with the cons that would come with being in a relationship with you. Fuck you, Lee Donghyuck!”

Donghyuck hopes Jeno can’t see the tears running down his face, as much as he hated to be pushing the other away like that, he couldn’t get himself to allow Jeno to do that to himself. He couldn’t let Jeno self-destruct like him, it wasn’t fair. “I’m sorry Jeno.” Donghyuck says after swallowing down the crying voice. “I love you.”

“You clearly don’t.” Jeno turns his back to him and runs away, Donghyuck follows him with his eyes till he disappears in the shadows with a frown.

The boy lays down on the cold surface and looks up at the sky with unfocused eyes, his body wouldn’t stop shaking and his brain shouted at him for what he had done. Donghyuck sobs, it was all too much, it all had happened too fast.

He doesn’t know how long it had been since Jeno left when he finally jumps onto the sand, it could’ve been hours or minutes, he had lost track completely. As long as it wasn’t late enough for Mr. Moon to catch him sneaking out, then it was okay. He regretted ever deciding to meet Jeno that day, he just wanted to go back to bed and pretend he had never even left.

 

 

 

The next days go by in a blur, he had somehow managed to make Mrs. Moon allow him to stay in bed for a whole week because he simply couldn’t get himself to have the strength to leave his bed. Quite frankly, Donghyuck felt like a weak coward. He knew that the only way for him to go back to normal would be if Jeno suddenly showed up and told him he wasn’t angry and that they could keep their friendship like it was. Jeno never showed up, though, and neither did his motivation to leave his bed.

Donghyuck stares at the ceiling and feels the tears leaving his eyes for the hundredth time that week, he knew he couldn’t keep going like that, he knew he had to get up at some point and go back to school. He knew he had to face Jeno, and that things weren’t ever going to be like they used to, that he had lost the support he needed to live. But wasn’t that what he wanted anyways? It meant Jeno was finally freed, and that he could slowly build up courage like he wanted.

He, very slowly, forces himself to sit with his toes touching the cold floor. He watches the sea from the window with a sad smile on his face, in the end it all came down to it. The sea, the perfect way to vanish. And that’s all he wanted to do right then and there, just vanish into thin air as if he never even existed.

There was no one inside his room, his roommates stopped being inside as much again and Donghyuck knew exactly why. Firstly, he probably reeked. Secondly, he probably looked like death. No one wanted to be inside such a depressive atmosphere, not even he did. So he opens the door and leaves, pyjamas still on with the first pair of shoes he found.

Donghyuck wanted to take a shower, but the path towards the main door was free. It was a rare opportunity to get away, he didn’t want to throw it away like that, so he walks towards the door making the least noise possible and smiles when a little breeze hits his face. Fresh, smelled of the sea.

He walks away, the sun was setting quickly behind the sea but he couldn’t care. In fact, he was thankful because it meant that not many people would see him in such a disgraceful state since it was getting late. Not that he cared much, his brain was totally blank.

It was almost pitch dark when he snaps out of it, he could barely see what was ahead of him. Donghyuck should’ve felt scared, terrified even, but he felt nothing. Nothingness after the pain haunting him for the whole week. It was then that he remembers, _it was Saturday._

He should’ve spent his day with Jeno, should’ve had a blast and kissed the boy till he couldn’t possibly feel sadness anymore. But he had spent the day crying instead, drowning in his own misery. It was so stupid, it was all so stupid.

“Give me all you got.” Someone demands before putting their hand on top of Donghyuck’s mouth. The boy doesn’t even try to scream, his body was still dumb to it all and his brain couldn’t quite process things. “Are you deaf? Give me all you got!”

Donghyuck shakes his head, he didn’t have anything, so what exactly was he supposed to give? But the man didn’t seem to care much and throws him onto the floor violently. He whimpers and tries to see who it was, surely in such a small town the chances of knowing who was attacking him were big, right? But he couldn’t see anything, not a single thing.

“What the fuck are you waiting for?” He starts touching Donghyuck all over, checking if he had anything on him only to find nothing. “You gotta be fucking kidding.” The man says with frustration and growls. “And here I was thinking this was going to be my lucky day.”

The boy closes his eyes and lets himself relax on the cold concrete floor, something told him things weren’t over just yet. It was better to be ready for whatever might come, which ends up being a harsh kick on the stomach that makes him grunt loudly.

“What even is a little kid like you doing roaming around like that?” The man growls. “You stink as well, but I’ve never seen you around you’re not homeless.” Donghyuck loses count of how many kicks he had to deal with by then. “Rat, whatever you are, you’re a rat.” He starts kicking even harsher and moves from the stomach to the rest of the body, kicking Donghyuck’s head at least twice. “I thought I was going to eat today, fuck you.” The strangers spits out and hits the boy one last time.

Donghyuck could barely hear his steps as the man walks away, everything was muffled by a loud buzz inside his head. He sighs loudly and lays motionless on the floor, his whole body hurt and he was sure something had been broken.

Minutes, or hours, Donghyuck didn’t know, pass by in utter silence. There was no cars nor people passing by, it wasn’t a big enough town to have traffic late night and the man probably knew that. Donghyuck wondered if he was going to die there, at least the night wasn’t cold, so it wasn’t as painful as it could’ve been.

His mind drifts away, instead of being blank like it had been for so long, and all he could see was Jeno. Jeno smiling, Jeno laughing, Jeno talking, Jeno just simply breathing. He opens his eyes in an attempt to get the images off his brain, but the sky is just as dark as when he closed his eyes. Jeno was still there, but frowning at him this time. Donghyuck knows he’s smiling at the illusion his brain had created, he probably looked like a drug addict smiling at the sky while laying on the sidewalk like that.

I don’t want to die.

The smile fades away when the thought strikes him, he didn’t want to die like that. He didn’t want Jeno to find out he had died pathetically in the streets, smelling like death and probably looking even worse. He didn’t want Jeno to deal with the initial bitterness that would come with his death because he knew just how badly it hurt.

Donghyuck tries to move and groans right away, his body hurt all over and he couldn’t feel some parts of it but he still manages to get on his knees. He pants loudly and tries to hold onto the wall nearby so he could get up and starts walking, his body was screaming for him to stop but since when did he ever listen to what his body wanted? So he keeps moving, slowly but surely he would reach his destination.

The sun was already making himself known when he spots the familiar garden, he frowns. “How am I going to climb the fence…” He mumbles to himself and groans, there was no way he could manage that.

He tries nevertheless, and fails for god knows how many times, too many to count, but finally manages to throw himself onto the boy’s garden. His body screamed in pain even louder but Donghyuck didn’t pay any attention to it, he hadn’t walked that far to just die on Jeno’s garden like that.

The boy moves slowly towards Jeno’s window and peaks inside, Jeno slept peacefully cuddling a big pillow. Guilt crept onto him, as well as shame. Because no matter how badly Jeno had seen him, Donghyuck had never reached rock bottom like he had that weak. He looked awful, the least attractive he had ever and Jeno would have to see him like that.

It takes his a long time to gather the courage to knock on the window, he instantly feels like running away but doesn’t. Instead Donghyuck watches Jeno crack one of his eye open and then sprint to the window faster than anything Donghyuck had ever seen. “Holy shit.” Is the first thing he says. “Oh my god.”

Donghyuck bites his lip nervously. “I’m so sorry-“

“Stop.” Jeno cuts him off and goes out of the window and picks the boy up carefully gently helping him inside. He closes the window after he enters his room as well and stares at the other with a mixture of emotions dancing in his eyes. “What happened, what the hell. Where were you? Why are you bruised? Why do you look-“ He stops and frowns.

“I was going to do it.” He forces himself to speak. “But I ended up wandering around, and some robber tried to take my things way. But I had nothing on me, so I guess I became a punching bag for his frustration.”

Jeno comes closer and cups the boy’s face, Donghyuck didn’t know how he could still be so affectionate when he looked like pure shit but he wasn’t complaining. “You look like death, this can’t be only from the beating.”

Donghyuck gulps, he had eaten properly in almost a day, hadn’t showered in maybe five. It wasn’t just the beating, Jeno knew, he didn’t have to confirm it. “I don’t want to die.”

“You want to get better?” Jeno’s face lights up with hope, Donghyuck nods weakly and suddenly the other’s arms are around his torso holding him tight. He hisses in pain and Jeno lets go right away. “Okay, okay we’ll get help.”

“Can I sleep here? With you? One last time?” Donghyuck whispers while staring at his shoes.

“Of course.” Jeno gently grabs his forearm and moves them closer to the bed, Dongyuck watches at the other takes his shoes off for him with pure fondness. “Sleep, you need it.” He says softly before laying on the bed and patting the space next to him.

Donghyuck forces himself to not care if he would be dirtying the covers and lays down next to him, with his head on Jeno’s chest. The other whispers sweet nothings to his ear as a lullaby and so Donghyuck falls asleep with a weak smile on his lips, surrounded by Jeno and Jeno only.

 

 

 

 

“Why do you self-destruct?” Donghyuck hears and snaps his head up, the man had cut down the chase much to his surprise. Usually they would try to play mental games before the actual questioning started, he wasn’t sure how to act. Perhaps that was their whole plan.

He locks eyes with the man. “Humans are egoistic, I love power and knowing I got the power in my hands for destruction. But it isn’t in my blood to hurt others, so I must hurt myself to relieve the need for power.”

“You hurt those who love you when you destroy yourself.” The man says, gently, they always spoke too gently. It annoyed him.

“I have no one, doctor, I’m sure you know.” Donghyuck lets out a breathy chuckle and leans back on his chair.

The man shakes his head. “That’s not correct.”

“My parents were taken by some egoistic bastard with the same addictions as me. Haven't you done your research? Isn’t that like, mandatory?” Donghyuck spits out, angry flames danced in his eyes as he stared at the other.

“I don’t mean them, Donghyuck.”

“Then what.”

He raises his eyebrow. “A boy. Who’s the boy waiting for you? Who brought you here.”

“I don’t know what you’re on about.” Donghyuck feigns ignorance and forces his body to not react to anything the other could possibly say.

“He cares for you, he loves you, I’m sure.”

“It’s not like that.”

The man lets out a frustrated sigh and licks his lips. “Donghyuck someone loves you, you have to stop this. You’re hurting him.”

Donghyuck scoffs and finally breaks the eye contact. “He’ll get over it, if I die, he’ll get over it.”

“Tell me, how long has it been since you’ve lost your parents.” The other’s words feel like a stab in the heart, but Donghyuck once again forced himself to stay the calmer he could possibly manage.

“Twelve years.”

“Are you over it?”

“No.”

“Why should he get over it then?” The man asks and tries searching for Donghyuck’s gaze. “Do you think you’ll ever get over it?”

Donghyuck snorts and shrugs. “I’m not his family.”

“You’re wrong, he’s your only family. Isn't he Donghyuck?” His tone of voice was making Donghyuck’s blood boil, he could feel himself starting to snap.

“No. He’s nothing, I don’t love Jeno.”

“Jeno.” The man repeats, as if he had won something with the mention of a name. Donghyuck shivers.

“No, that’s-“

The man keeps on pushing no matter how much Donghyuck tried fighting it. “He’s family, isn’t he Donghyuck?” He was starting to raise his voice, he wanted Donghyuck to snap on him and the boy couldn’t keep himself calm for one second longer, so he gives him just what he wants.

“NO! He’s nothing, I don’t care for him, I don’t love him.” He lies hoping with every fibre of his being that the man would drop it. But they never did until they got what they truly wanted, Donghyuck hated them for it.

“What’s so bad about you loving him?”

Donghyuck slams his fist on the table. “Everything I love dies, he’ll leave me too. I don’t love him, I can’t.”

“That’s not true. He won’t disappear.”

The boy whimper and curls into a small ball, face pressed against his knees as he shakes his head violently. “Don’t take Jeno away.” He cries out fully aware that he was causing an unnecessary scene, his body wasn’t responding to his pleas. Donghyuck couldn’t calm himself down anymore.

“No one’s taking him away.” The man promises with the softest voice he could muster.

“YOU ARE!” Donghyuck yells loudly. “If I say I love him, you’ll kill him off, just because I love him.”

Suddenly there’s steps, he knew the man was close but didn’t dare move to hurt him even if his brain screamed for him to do so. “Donghyuck no one is going to take him away.” Unlike many others, the man doesn’t try touching him for comfort. Donghyuck is thankful but still hated the other for triggering something that he couldn’t fight.

He breathes in and out to calm himself down the best he could, but his head hurt and he felt dizzy nevertheless. Hot tears start running down his face, he just wanted to go away from wherever he was but the only thing his body was letting him do was whisper the same thing over and over like a broken disk.

“You’ll kill him, you’ll kill him if love him.”

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

_This is the dumbest thing I’ve been told to do, but I decided to do it anyways because apparently I’m not allowed to see you until I leave this hell hole. Great, I know, totally makes me enjoy my stay even more. I honestly don’t know what goes on in these people’s head’s sometimes._

_And it’s all so lonely here, I mean I’ve only been here for a few days obviously I cannot make friends that fast, but the people that I’ve seen around don’t look like they even want friends. Who am I going to talk to? The walls? I might go mad here, I thought this was supposed to be opposite._

_They told me I could make this as long as possible, it’s kinda stupid I mean I wish I could send you occasional letters rather than this massive one. Everything is stupid seriously it’s been days and I’m already tired of everything and everyone, these rules and restrictions… Like I wonder how the fuck they can possibly help me._

_I miss you, so much. I can’t believe I’m getting emotional while writing this, but since it might be the last time speaking to you, I guess I just might? But don’t laugh, idiot._

_I really don’t know how long I’m going to be in here and I doubt I’ll be out before summer starts so I can’t be there to force you to study for your finals, but Jeno please if you love me like you say you do, make an effort to pass your stupid exams. Even if when I come out of here we aren’t the same, I will come all the way to where you live and kick you so bad you regret being a lazy asshole._

_The idea of losing you hurts me deeply but I also know that I’m going to be stuck in time while I’m here and your life will move on, so don’t feel guilty and let things happen if they must. You’ll go to university and meet new people, it’s normal and would’ve happened either way. I don’t want to anchor you down, I never did and never will and you’re extremely stupid for letting me hold you back for so long. Live your life, because it’s yours and not mine._

_I don’t want to make this a goodbye, but something tells me it is. I’ll get over it though, life moves on right? And either way I’m just thankful that you’ve been there for over these past seven years and for being a constant friend that I can lean on. I think I would’ve ended up in a place like this earlier if I hadn’t met you, and probably in a worse state. So really, I am thankful, I hope you know I am._

_The letter can be as long as I wish, but I already feel like this is cringy enough, no? Maybe I should end it here._

_Love you_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> yall: nohyuck tag is dead :((( 
> 
> me: no problem! here's some weird angsty fic! :)
> 
>  


	2. healthy

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> last time i saw you said you wanna keep it light  
> but i'm here to tell you  
> i'm not trying to change your mind  
> it's alright come over here and sit next to me  
> we can see where things go naturally  
> just say the word and i'll part the sea
> 
> – sit next to me,, foster the people

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I had the biggest writers block with this fic it wasn't even funny kjfdjg i mean it took me like 3 months to write 8k? what??? Sighs, sorry if this is super underwhelming i feel it sucks so much compared to the first chapter but i really want them to get closure SO......... enjoy this? hopefully?

**I** t was just another simple day. Saturday to be exact, which meant Jeno was supposed to wake up past ten o’clock, but he somehow didn’t. He had tried to go back to sleep but it was as if something was keeping him awake, he just didn’t know what. But, either way, there was no point in staying in bed so he starts his little morning routine a few hours earlier.

Jeno was doing everything on auto-pilot like usual, so it takes him a good minute to find it odd to have received a letter from a clinic because “Why would I even receive a letter from a clinic?” He mumbles to himself and blinks sleepily. After the fourth time rereading the name of clinic is that it hits him, and then he’s tearing the envelope like a kid who had received their Christmas present.

“There’s no way.” He says with a huge smile on his face before starting to read the letter. “Oh my god.”

He rushes to his bedroom to get changed and then runs out of the door, all in the matter of minutes. Jeno doesn’t stop to think much, he just wanted to get to his destination the fastest he could. But of course that wasn’t going to happen and he gets stuck in traffic just as he reaches the highway.

Jeno grabs his phone seeing that he was going to be stuck there for quite some time and finds Jaemin’s contact name, he needed to share the news with the rest of his friends as soon as possible. “Nana, you won’t ever guess.” He starts, his friend mumbles something under his breath but Jeno ignores it. He was too happy to care about anything else. “I got a letter on the mail today.”

“Good job, sounds magnificent.”

“Shut up let me explain.” Jeno rolls his eyes. “It’s from a clinic. Donghyuck’s clinic.” He hears the other move around in bed, seemingly interested now that Donghyuck had been mentioned. “He’s out, he was released.”

“And why the fuck would they send you a letter?!”

“Because I was the one who, well, handed him to them. That’s how they put it anyways.” The line moves forward slightly. “They said it’s my right to know, or something.”

It’s silent for a long time, Jeno had to check his phone twice to see if Jaemin had hung up on him. “Okay. I mean- I’m really happy but, where is he now then?”

“I’m going there right now to figure that out. I’m stuck in traffic, though. But once I get news I’ll share right away.” He promises.

Ahead, Jeno could see traffic was getting somewhat better and grins. He was usually a very patient person, but he had spent years waiting for that moment, counting the days till he’d receive some sort of news from Donghyuck. And now that the day was finally there, he couldn’t wait a second longer.

“Alright.” Jaemin says happily. “Go get him, lover boy.”

Jeno tells him to shut up before hanging up with a huge smile on his face.

 

 

 

He checks that the address was correct for the hundredth time and swallows down thickly, the nervousness spreading across his body was making him unable to reach out for the person he liked the most in the whole world. Jeno felt stupid, he had waited for so long and now that he could finally see Donghyuck, he was chickening out.

The door of the building opens and snaps the boy from his thoughts, he looks up and then sucks in his breath loudly. “Jeno?!”

Jeno feels his legs start to shake involuntarily, that voice, he had forgotten how Donghyuck sounded. “Yes.” He breathes out while quickly analysing the other, he looked so different it was overwhelming. “I heard you got released-”

“Ah.” Donghyuck closes the door behind him, Jeno takes a few steps back nervously. “They told you.”

“Yes.” Jeno repeats and licks his lips. “I thought, I don’t know. I’d like to catch up?”

Donghyuck giggles. “Don’t be so nervous.”

“I’m sorry.”

The other shakes his head just as he places his hand on Jeno’s shoulder and gives it a reassuring squeeze. “Should we sit down, to catch up like you want.” Jeno nods, eye never leaving Donghyuck’s face. “Okay, I know a cafe nearby.”

It takes Jeno a few seconds, but he manages to force himself to trail behind Donghyuck and follow the other to the cafe that was just around the corner at the end of the street. Donghyuck greets the cashier before sitting down and pointing at the chair in front of him for Jeno to do the same.

As he ponders if he should try to make small talk or cut to the point, Donghyuck speaks up. “Just ask what you want to ask.” He quirks his eyebrow up and places his chin on his knuckles to support his head.

Jeno blinks back at him and then opens his mouth slowly. “Where are you staying at? What about school?"

"Slow down buddy." Jeno mutters a ‘Sorry’ and Donghyuck clicks his tongue to shut him up. "I'm staying at this pension thingy, a cheap place. I'm given a bare minimum living sum of money to get by. They didn't want me falling into the same pit because I couldn't manage my life and all that. Though it'll be taken away in a year or so, I mean it’s just for support so."

The other nods along while Donghyuck speaks and then sits back on his chair once he’s finished. "I see, it makes sense."

"As for school, they signed me into these night classes. Said I gotta finish high school, I wanted to anyways, but they want me to have a somewhat bright future. Y'know again, so I don't fall into the dark pit I was before." He explains calmly. "So yeah, I think I’ll live. It's a bit scary still though, I must admit. I spent years being taken care of and now I’m put out here all alone-"

“You’re not alone! I can help you out with anything, I promise.” Jeno perks up, Donghyuck giggles at the boy’s reaction.

“Thank you, it’d be much appreciated, trust me.”

There is a long pause, Jeno stares at Donghyuck and analyses him further. Black messy hair had replaced the crazy coloured one that Jeno was used to, and there was a long fringe that kept falling in front of his eyes here and there. Sort of like how Donghyuck looked when he was going through his emo phase but slightly better. His skin was paler but shinier, it made him look livelier even if the tan had vanished for the most part.

He focuses his attention back on Donghyuck’s pretty big eyes and bites his lip nervously. "So no more anxiety, no more depressive episodes, no more nothing?"

Donghyuck snorts.” Hopefully not, worked hard to make it go away so those bitches better stay back."

Jeno smiles, brightly, as brightly as he could possibly manage. That boy in front of him was still the same, it was still _the_ Lee Donghyuck he had fallen for years ago. The same boy he was utterly in love with. It was comforting. "Would you perhaps want to see me again?" He blurts out before he could chicken out.

"I was wondering the same thing myself."

He makes a sound of disbelief and frowns. “Is that even a question?"

"Well, if I’m making it, then I guess it is." Donghyuck smirks teasingly as he pokes Jeno’s nose lovingly.

"Yes, yes I would love to see you again. Why wouldn't I?"

The boy shrugs. "I don’t Jeno your life… has changed, things could've changed in your heart. My life has been pretty stagnant for these last two years."

Jeno’s frown deepens. "You've overcome your mental issues and you call that stagnant?"

Donghyuck opens and closes his mouth multiples times making Jeno chuckle. "Maybe you have a point." He finally admits and sits back on his chair defeated.

Jeno looks out of the window, the sun was starting to set somewhere behind the tall glass buildings.” Should I escort you home?" He offers so softly that it could pass as a whisper.

"You just want me to show you my apartment, don’t you sneaky?" Donghyuck grins and moves closer to the other so their faces would be mere inches apart.

"There is a slight chance you're right." Jeno smirks, moving even closer to tease Donghyuck further.

The other looks down at Jeno’s lips for a split second and then goes back to staring at his dark eyes.” Stay over tonight?"

Jeno doesn’t reply, not with words anyways. Instead, a bright smile spreads across his face, so bright that it makes his eyes completely disappear. Donghyuck doesn’t say it out loud, but he had missed those smiles the most.

 

 

Donghyuck flinches the moment he wakes up, an unsettling feeling roared inside of him. He opens his eyes and soon enough the fear goes away, Jeno’s puffy red morning face was mere inches away from his -- after years of sleeping alone, the simple presence of the other had triggered something inside him. Like fight or flight instincts, he was just glad he didn't end up kicking the other down the bed.

He stares at the boy’s peaceful expression in silence, admiring every slope of his face as if he was a sculpture. The urge to trace the details with the tip of his finger was overwhelming, so much so that he couldn't contain it.

Jeno scrunches his nose when the pad of Donghyuck’s index finger gently caresses the slope of his nose. “Morning.” He croaks out and cracks one eye open to look at Donghyuck. “Want me to make breakfast?”

“Can you even cook?” The other chuckles while tracing Jeno’s jawline.

A cocky smirks spreads across his face. “Hell yeah, made Renjun teach me.”

“You managed to keep your hands to yourself near Renjun? I'm so proud of you.” Donghyuck says sarcastically and pinches the other’s cheek.

Jeno goes quiet and serious at that, it scares Donghyuck. “I didn't care for anyone but you. Didn't want anyone.” When the atmosphere becomes awkward, Jeno coughs and moves so he could leave the bed. “So obviously that was easy for me, I'm grateful really. Was a pain in the butt to rely on either fast food or Jaemin and Renjun to do the cooking for me. Now I do it myself.”

The pride with which Jeno spoke made Donghyuck smile like a fool, seeing how Jeno grew made him sad that he hadn't been there to witness it but even then he felt happy to know he had become an even better self. He trusted the other, but during his time away he often wondered if Jeno had gotten off track and gave up on himself as well. It was relieving, if anything.

“Okay, big boy. Then cook for me.”

Jeno glances in the other’s direction for a split second, his face radiated with one of his big smiles that made anyone smile back. “Will do, in bed or will the princess be kind enough to move their butt?”

Donghyuck clicks his tongue. “Well... as the princess I shouldn't have to move. But I'm a very kind one, so I shall meet you in the kitchen my good sir.”

Jeno laughs, loud and bright, one of the most genuine laughs Donghyuck had ever heard from him. It made his heart swell.

 

 

 

The next time they meet is almost two weeks later. Jeno was trying his very best to not suffocate the other, he barely texted him and refused to ask to meet again. Jaemin told him he was an imbecile, Renjun threatened to throw him down the bridge leading to their university, but Jeno wouldn't budge.

So it takes until Donghyuck finally brings it up for it to happen. “Meet me after my classes?” He asks at the end of the other line. Jeno is thankful that Donghyuck cannot see him for he looked like a smiling fool.

“Of course! When do they end?”

“Ten, I'll give you the address.”

Jeno cleans his sweaty hand on his jeans, he couldn't understand how he'd still get so nervous when it came to Donghyuck. He guessed it was because there was still too much uncertainty in it all, in what they exactly were and what he meant to the other. It made him a wreck but somehow he still didn't have the guts to ask, at least not yet. It felt too soon.

“I'll be there.”

 

 

He leans against the wall next to the glass doors of the tall building, hoodie on and phone in hand so the time waiting for Donghyuck would pass somewhat faster. Five to ten, the driveway was still just as busy as ever. The city, in contrast to the small town Jeno had grown up in, would never sleep. He remembers that being the first thing that really felt striking to him when he moved, even if he lived in the outskirts of the city it still had more movement than most days in the faraway town.

Something, rather someone, pokes his shoulder. He flinches but a bright smile soon takes over his whole face when he’s met with the familiar round eyes. “Hi.” Jeno breathes out and takes his headphones out, quickly shoving them inside his pocket.

“Hey! I hope you didn’t wait for long.” Donghyuck grins and starts walking towards the busy streets, Jeno follows behind right away fighting the urge to somehow touch the other. His hands almost betray him and grabs Donghyuck’s shoulder, but he somehow manages to make himself stay still.

“Not at all.”

None speak, the loud noises of the city keep them company as they walk down the street. Jeno wasn’t even sure what Donghyuck had planned, whatever it was he wouldn’t dare ask about anyways. In the end, however, curiosity got the best of him.

“Where to?” He almost yells so Donghyuck could hear him over the city noises.

The other turns to look to look at him, the corners of his mouth curved upwards in a sly smile. “You’ll see!” Donghyuck exclaims excitedly, but that doesn’t satisfy Jeno one bit.

“C’mon, what’s with the secrecy?”

“You’ll say no if I tell you where we’re going.”

 _That’s a fat lie_ Jeno thinks to himself. “Fine, but are we far still?”

“Aren’t you sporty? Don’t tell me you’re tired already.” Donghyuck snorts. “We’re close, I think.”

Even after all those years, Jeno still didn’t find the long silences awkward. It was soothing, he was used to forcing himself to constantly speak around others to keep a conversation flowing. Donghyuck wasn’t like that, had never been. If he had things to say, he would. If he didn’t, he wouldn’t force. Nothing was forced with him, Jeno had missed the rawness that came with being with the other. He had missed being himself.

He entertains himself by analysing his surroundings. At first it was just the cars, the colours and styles, then the buildings sparkling with neon lights, but in the end he couldn’t keep them from drifting towards the boy whose skin glowed under the artificial city lights. _Pretty._

“We’re here.” The boy comes to a sudden stop snapping Jeno out of his daze.

Jeno follows the direction of Donghyuck’s gaze, behind him was a dark building with typical neon letters. “A bar?”

The other nods and grabs Jeno’s forearm. “Come, don’t chicken out. Let’s have fun!”

“We’re not teenagers anymore-”

“You’re in your twenties, quick acting like you don’t do this.” Donghyuck quirks his eyebrows up, and really Jeno can’t pretend that he wouldn’t try to loosen up every so often with the rest of his group. “I’ve been locked up for far too long, I miss going crazy.”

There was nothing Jeno could say that would change the other’s mind and, frankly, he missed partying with Donghyuck. The boy was wild and funny, every time he’d go out it felt as if something was missing since he wasn’t around. No one was goofy enough, no one was Donghyuck.

He lets himself be led inside the sketchy building, all he could wonder was why and how Donghyuck even know about the existence of that place when he had been released just about a month back. Jeno scoffs to himself, Donghyuck was really something else.

 

 

The bass makes his body shake from head to toes, but Jeno isn’t quite focusing on that.

Donghyuck throws his head back while laughing euphorically over nothing. “I’m so happy.” He screams and fists the air. “Jeno I’ve never been happier in my whole life!”

Jeno cannot help but smile brightly watching as the other danced without a single care in the world. With the loud bass making his body tremble head to toe, Jeno finds a new confidence that had long ago left. Even then, it wasn't enough to ignore his rational side and hold Donghyuck like he very much wished so he opts on simply pulling the other closer to him so that they'd at least be touching.

“Dance with me" The other whines and places Jeno’s hand on his hip.

“I'm not drunk enough to make a fool out of myself.” Jeno chuckles nervously and instinctively curls his fingers around Donghyuck’s hip, he doesn't even notice he had done it until his friend puts his hand over his and brings him to his senses.

“You do that on daily basis anyways,” He teases and Jeno rolls his eyes. “Don't be so boring.”

Donghyuck squeezes Jeno’s hands, slightly intertwining them. It felt familiar as if they fit perfectly, the realization makes him cringe. The other doesn't seem to notice his nervousness and presses himself further against Jeno’s body so that their torsos were basically glued together. Jeno swears he tries to focus on anything but the warmness oozing off Donghyuck’s body against his, but that proved be awfully difficult when the other refused to give him space.

“You’re like a hard stone statue! Loosen up!” The boy puts his arms around Jeno’s neck and looks straight into his eyes, the other could feel his body start to melt with all the affection and attention being given to him.

He wants to relax completely, he really does, but his rational side wouldn't shut up inside his head. It begged for him to stop before he did something he'd regret, Jeno refused to be Donghyuck’s toy boy like he had been. Even if it was stupid and wishful thinking, Jeno preferred to leave the other than to keep playing games for the rest of his life. Maybe it was selfish, considering Donghyuck had more on his mind -- way more important stuff, but Jeno wanted him for himself. So he couldn't give him to Donghyuck’s wishes so easily, but his heart was still too soft to demand for anything.

Lost in his thoughts, Jeno barely registers the other move closer to his neck. “I want to” He starts once his lips are close enough to brush against Jeno’s lobe. “Kiss you. So bad.”

“Donghyuck.” He growls and closes his eyes, he wanted to push the other away but feared he'd take that as rejection so he stays put. “I can't… Be that to you anymore…”

Donghyuck’s big droopy disappointed eyes makes Jeno’s heart break inside his chest. He was starting to suffocate inside the small stuffy room. “Oh.” He breathes out, plain and simple and yet holding so much emotion. “Right, I understand.”

They break apart, and then the next thing he knows, Donghyuck’s slouched figure disappears behind the tiny door in the corner of the dark room.

 

 

 

“You're a moron.” Renjun spits out bitterly. “You went and rejected the boy you want? Absolutely ridiculous.”

Jeno pulls at the strands of his hair harshly and shakes his head. “You don't get it, Renjun I don't have the energy to chase after him like a puppy like I did when I was a teen. I want him not his body! And that's like… All he's offering me.”

“How do you know that's all? He just said he wanted to kiss you-”

“Because that's how it started before, okay?!” He snaps. “And I get he's in need of affection after all these years but I really can't act like I'm okay with being used for that solemnly.” Jeno lowers his head again and lets a single sob rip through the silence. “I don't get why he doesn't love me back… What's missing in me?”

“Fool…” Renjun murmurs softly and puts his hand on his friend's shoulder. “You're not the problem, his self-esteem was. And Jeno he said he's gotten better, if that's true then there is a chance and you're not giving him it.”

Jeno drifts his eyes up to look at Renjun. “Okay.” He gulps. “So what do I do?”

“You start over. Go where he lives, and you start over.”

 

 

 

Jeno paces outside of the building. He had already rung about five times and yet received no response, but he had kind of expected that. Exasperation grew inside of him, how was he supposed to make things right if Donghyuck refused to text him back and answer his calls? He was pretty much stuck if this plan didn't work out either.

He snaps out of it when the main door open but the excitement soon dies down when he finds an old lady standing there. She smiles politely and gets ready to go past him, but Jeno thinks of a plan C. “Hello, I'm sorry to bother. Do you perhaps know Donghyuck?”

The woman eyes him head to toes and then chuckles. “Yes, why?”

“Would you know if he's at home right now?”

“Son.” She points into the distance. “Donghyuck got a job at the supermarket over there, he's at work.”

Jeno’s eyes widen. “Oh! Thank you so much!” He bows down a few times before rushing down the street towards the nearby supermarket.

The place was actually more crowded than Jeno was expecting, which was both good and bad. First of all, it made it terribly hard for him to spot the other in the middle of so many people. Secondly, he didn't even know where and what exactly Donghyuck worked, was he the cashier? Cleaner? He didn't even know where to look for. The only good side of it all was that it'd equally as hard for Donghyuck to find him first and run away before had the chance to speak.

He decides to move around the store as if he was planning on actually buying something. “Wait I do need some shampoo.” The boy mumbles to himself and heads to the detergents aisle but makes sure to keep an eye out for Donghyuck.

After many, many minutes of searching and finding nothing, Jeno decides to give up and simply pay what he had to pay and leave to try again tomorrow. However, as he scans the lines to check which one seemed to be the fastest, his eyes land on a familiar face.

A big grin forms on his lips and he puts his things on the floor so he can grab his notebook and rip a piece of paper where he could scribble down a little note. _**please talk to me when your shift is over. im begging.**_ He writes quickly and puts his things back in place to get ready to face Donghyuck.

He swiftly gets into line and holds the plastic shampoo packaging close to his chest, his heart was beating so fast Jeno thought he might actually pass out. Especially when Donghyuck finally acknowledges his presence when their eyes meet, Jeno could feel his pulse on his forehead with the nervousness. Donghyuck goes stone cold for a curt second before going back to doing his job calmly as if he had forgotten the other’s presence entirely.

Jeno waits for his turn, two nails had already been bitten by the time Donghyuck mumbles out a polite and distant “Hello good morning.”, he opens his mouth to speak but then remembers the little note. He makes sure that the little piece of paper wouldn't fly somewhere else as he gave the packaging to the other and presses the palms of his hands together as if he were praying when Donghyuck quirks his eyebrow at him. Thankfully, he decides to keep it to himself instead of discarding it right away. Jeno smiles brightly but Donghyuck doesn’t allow him to actually speak, he had work to do and he wasn’t about to risk losing it because of that.

Like planned, Jeno found a little bench just outside the supermarket and waited for the other’s shift to finish. Meanwhile he decided to take out his notebook and study for whatever subject he had inside his bag that evening, anything was good to get his mind off what he was waiting for to happen. Which, was pretty damn terrifying. Donghyuck seemed keen on being petty, it surprised Jeno he had even accepted to take the note.

When someone smacks the top of his head to get his attention, Jeno almost yells but the sight of Donghyuck in front of him was enough to shut him up. Mostly because his brain had frozen up entirely. “Still same old patient Jeno I see.” The other breathes out and sits next to him, but not too close. In fact, he sat just far away enough to make it terribly noticeable that they were on awkward terms for everyone around them.

“Yeah, or maybe not.” Jeno says to himself and licks his lips nervously. “Were you planning on ignoring me forever?”

“Yeah.” Donghyuck says, bluntly, as if it was obvious.

“Why?! We literally just got together again.” Jeno cringes at his choice of word, _got together? You wish._ “Like you know… You just came back you wanna get rid of me this quick?”

Donghyuck squints his eyes. “Dude, you wanted me to leave you alone.”

“You got all that from me saying I didn’t want to be your fuckbuddy anymore?”

The other chokes up, Jeno almost reaches out for him to make sure everything was okay. “That’s all we’ve known- So I mean if you don’t want that then what?” Donghyuck asks, and really Jeno had an answer to that. A very, lengthy, emotional one in which he’d admit to all his repressed feelings. But that’s the thing, they were repressed, and as much as Jeno wanted to force them out his natural instinct was to keep it shut.

“Just wanna be near you really.” He admits but that wasn't good enough, there was so much more to that. And yet, he didn't have it in him to say it out loud. “I'm sorry I hurt you.”

“Are you into someone? Dating?”

Jeno flinches. _Him?_ “No.” He says shaking his head to further convince the other. “I don't feel interested in anyone else.”

The silence that followed was painful for Jeno who had noticed his little slip. Part of him wanted to come out clean while the other wouldn't allow any slip, it was exhausting and yet he wanted nothing but to be with Donghyuck. He knew he couldn't keep going like that, dragging himself behind Donghyuck and pretending to not want more. But…

“Whatever.” Donghyuck sighs. “Wanna hang this Friday?” He suggests making Jeno’s eyes turn into buttons.

“Oh?” Jeno blinks back at him and then nods excitedly. “I'd love that!”

 

 

 

Donghyuck looked like an excited puppy jumping around the place, Jeno didn't stop him though. It was a cute sight. “Hyuck! I'll buy the tickets now!” Jeno shouts.

The other trots his way across the other side of the building and then puts his chin on Jeno’s shoulder while the other spoke to the lady behind the desk. Sort of like a kid waiting for his parent to do all the work because he was too scared to it himself.

“Enjoy the movie!” The woman chirps and smiles brightly in Jeno’s direction.

Once they're far enough for her to not be able to understand what they were talking about, Donghyuck grabs Jeno’s bicep to force the other to stop. “She was _so_ giving you the heart eyes.”

“Nah.” He shrugs it off and starts walking again.

“Seriously!” Donghyuck whines and slaps the other’s back lightly. “She was flirting I know so.”

“Oh really? You asked her?”

The boy glares at him but that only makes Jeno laugh. “You're an asshole.” He grumbles and slaps the other one last time before piping down.

They move to the second floor and head towards their designated room in silence, only when they're comfortably sitting inside the almost empty room is that Jeno decides to speak up again. “You really think so?” Donghyuck shoots him a puzzled look as he shoves a handful of popcorn in his mouth. “That that girl was flirting with me?”

“Well, you're a polite attractive young man being all smiles with her. Can't blame her.” His voice comes out muffled by the food so he tries his best to swallow it down quickly. “I'd hit on you too.”

Jeno chuckles. “You already do.”

“Exactly.” Donghyuck smirks and goes back to eating in silence.

The other sits back on his chair and watches the screen playing some advertisements with unfocused eyes, mind completely elsewhere. The compliments had made his heart fill with so much joy that Jeno thought he might explode, it amazed him how much influence Donghyuck had on him. It also scared him, a lot in fact.

“What is that pretty brain of yours thinking about so hard? I can see it fuming.” Donghyuck teases and pretends to fan the other.

“Not much.”

The boy moves closer to Jeno so he could shove his face right in front of the other’s. “You wanna ask her out?”

“What? No.” Jeno rolls his eyes and pushes Donghyuck away. “Please.”

“Sure.” He says but doesn't stop giving Jeno the look.

“Movie is starting, better pay attention to that.” Jeno says and puts the palm of his hand on Donghyuck’s cheek to force him to look away.

They don't speak anymore for the duration of the whole movie, apart from Donghyuck’s unnecessary sarcastic commentary of course since the boy was unable to watch a movie quietly.

That's exactly why Jeno finds it odd that it had been way over ten minutes since Donghyuck had made some sort of remark, he was being oddly quiet. Jeno looks to his side only to find the other sound asleep, head thrown back and lips parted. If it wasn't for the darkness of the room, Jeno wouldn't have stared at the plushy lips for as long as he had. But it was an opportunity he couldn't walk away from, he couldn't get himself to look away.

A loud sound from the movie snaps him out of it, and Donghyuck who flinches awake and looks at Jeno with sleepy eyes before leaning in his direction and placing his head on the other’s shoulder. Jeno blinks a few times before processing what had happened and putting his arm around the boy’s hip comfortably.

He didn't even pay attention to the rest of the movie, all he could think of was the warmth radiating out of Donghyuck and warming his heart to the point of combustion. Cheesy, but it wasn't like Jeno would ever admit to such things anyways.

 

 

 

Everything goes by terribly smoothly, so smooth that Jeno almost forgets that things don’t heal completely like we very often hope they do. He guessed he preferred to believe what Donghyuck had told him, that the dark times were forever gone and from now on it’d be all rainbows in the other’s life.

Really, he should’ve known better, but truth was sometimes oblivion makes things easier.

It all happens so fast, one second they’re laughing like usual and the next Donghyuck’s eyes become way too sparkly for no apparent reason and then he’s full on sobbing on the floor of the grocery shop refusing to budge from his spot on the floor.

“Hyuck, Hyuck please I’ll get you home but you have to get up.” Jeno pleads while tugging at the other’s shirt desperately. “What's going on? Why are you freaking out?”

“I don’t know Jeno.” He sobs out while shaking his head.

Jeno scratches the top of his head comically, something definitely wasn't right. Last time he had seen someone cause a scene over nothing was when one of his friends was pregnant and cried over buying the wrong brand of food for her cat.

“Hyuck, what happened?”

“I don’t know, Jeno! You don’t get it.”

 _No, I really don't_ is what he wants to answer but that'd probably just earn him a slap across the face or something. “Hey look, is something bothering you?” Jeno looks around only to find a bunch of people staring curiously, he doesn't even need to glare at them because they dispersed right away. Obviously someone causing a scene in the middle of an aisle would make anyone curious, but it still annoyed him so he pulls Donghyuck closer in a protective manner. “Something must be going on, you don't just simply cry over nothing.”

The other grunts. “Okay maybe I've ran out of my pills because I'm a lazy piece of shit and I thought it wouldn’t matter much, I was going to buy them on Monday. Can we please go home my throat is-.”

“What the fuck do you mean you ran out?” Jeno pinches the bridge of his nose and sighs. “Okay, okay. I’m getting you home then we'll figure something out later.”

Donghyuck whines for a while longer, Jeno had never seen him act that way. Whenever the boy used to be in a low he'd be reserved and quiet, now he just acted as if he was under the effects of alcohol.

The other seems to calm down the moment they’re inside the taxi on their way to Donghyuck’s house. He stared out of the window silently with his face turned in such a way that Jeno couldn’t see it and Jeno let him be, because there wasn’t much more he could do but let him have his space.

 

 

“So you ran out of your depression pills?” He asks Donghyuck who was currently lying face down on his mattress. “I didn’t even know you took those…”

The boy raises his head to look at Jeno. “Well, yeah. I thought I didn’t really depend on them, but apparently I do.” He goes back to shoving his face against the sheets just as he finishes talking.

Jeno frowns. “It’s normal, you know that right?” Donghyuck shrugs in response. “Hyuck you’ve been this way for a very long time, I know you’ve spent years trying to recover but it’s normal that it hasn’t all gone.” He stops but Donghyuck stays still as if lifeless in the same spot. “You already got over many things, yeah? Are you listening to me, you should be proud of yourself.”

Before he could even process anything, Donghyuck snakes his arms around Jeno’s torso and presses his face against the boy’s stomach. Once he recovers from the sudden action, Jeno starts petting the silky black locks soothingly like he often would when they were younger.

“I’m really proud of you, I’m serious.” He presses on, hoping that his words would somehow make the other feel better. “You need pills, that’s okay Hyuck. Some of us need supplements for other things too.”

Donghyuck lets out a long sigh and squeezes the boy’s torso even tighter. “I just didn’t want to be dependent on something anymore, you know? They taught me to be independent.” Jeno hums. “I can’t breathe properly.”

“Maybe because you got your face shoved against my shirt, idiot.” The other jokes and chuckles lightly. “I can go buy the pills with you. Just so you don’t bail out at last minute, for whatever reason. I know how mean that brain of yours is.” He pokes the top of Donghyuck’s head making the other giggle faintly. “I’m still here for you, I promise.”

 

 

 

“Tell me you never played pool before.” Donghyuck cringes when Jeno finishes his round.

“I never played pool before.”

“Oh thank god.” He sighs in relief and Jeno glares at him. “You suck like- You suck.”

“Thanks.” The boy grumbles and leans back on the wall with his arms crossed in front of his chest.

Donghyuck pouts. “I'll teach you, c’mon!” He chirps and pulls Jeno by the forearm. “It's easy once you get the hang of it. First of all, you have to find what you think is the best position for your hand. This is mine.”

Jeno observes everything the other does full of attention and tries copying it to see if he had learn properly. It was all going well until Donghyuck decided that the only way to teach Jeno how to position himself properly was by putting his whole body practically on top of the other. Jeno swallows down dryly and tries his best not to show just how nervous he felt at the proximity but his hands were starting to shake against his will.

“Got it?” Donghyuck’s sweet voice sounds way too close to Jeno’s earlobe, a shiver runs down his spine but he manages to nod. “Good! Try it.”

The results of Donghyuck’s teaching were obvious right away, Jeno seemed to have got the hang of it pretty quickly. “Thank you.” He grins at his friend who bows jokingly.

“Knew you had it in you.” The boy winks and gets ready for his turn. “So, if I lose, I'll pay for the drinks. Deal?”

“Hell no! You played this daily at the clinic, I literally just figured out how to play!” Jeno complains.

Donghyuck clicks his tongue. “Always such a no fun.”

“Fine!” Jeno exclaims. “Deal.”

“Better.” The boy quirks his eyebrow and licks his lips. “Get ready to be destroyed, Jeno Lee.”

 

He does, in fact, end up paying for the drinks. But Donghyuck is the one that spends all evening puking it all out and crying about how his whole body hurt, so was the real winner in the end?

 

 

 

Jeno hadn't even gotten out of bed when his phone starts ringing, Donghyuck’s name flashes on the screen making him stir awake completely. “Hey.” He says cheerfully.

“Can I just come over?” Donghyuck’s voice comes out so tiny and weak that it makes Jeno’s chest ache in worry. “I know we planned on going out to the movies again but I-”

“Course.” Jeno cuts him off right away. “I prefer being a couch potato anyways.”

Donghyuck chuckles at the end of the other line, it was a pretty weak one but at least it meant Jeno had at least somewhat succeeded in making him smile. Honestly, no matter how grossly lame it all was, all Jeno wanted was for Donghyuck to be happy above pretty much anything else. So much for letting go of old habits.

“Thank you. See you in two hours?”

“I'll be right here waiting, probably same spot as I am now.” He snorts. “Unemployed like I am.”

Donghyuck laughs, laughs. “Enjoy while you can, you'll miss it when you find a job. Trust me.”

“I always trust your word.” He blurts out and then bites down on his lip with the instant regret taking over him. “But yeah uh, fighting! Just a few more hours till work ends and then we're together!” Jeno exclaims trying to not sound as awkward as he felt, clearly it hadn't gone all that well but at least an attempt had been made.

“You're right. See ya.” Is all the other says before the call ends. Jeno stares at the screen for a few seconds before groaning loudly.

He really wondered just how long he could keep on going the way he was.

 

 

 

The loud ringing noise of the doorbell wakes him up, Jeno hadn't even noticed he had fallen asleep so it takes him far too long to process what was happening. “JENO!” Someone calls, exasperation obvious in their voice.

He gets up on his wobbly legs, trips here and there, but manages to reach out for the door anyways.

As soon as the door opens just enough for Donghyuck to pass through, the other had already snaked his arms around Jeno’s torso so he could hug him tightly. “Did something happen? Took your meds, right?”

Donghyuck nods. “Yes I did. I don't know why I feel so…” He stops and then shrugs. “Weird.”

“It's okay, should we just watch a movie to get your mind off it?” Jeno suggests while playing with the boy's soft locks. Donghyuck had cut them dyed them brown a few weeks back, he looked livelier than when he had just left the clinic now, especially since his tan had slowly started to paint his skin.

“Okay.”

“Good I'll do some popcorn, think I got some that are not out of date…” Jeno snorts and gives Donghyuck one last squeeze before parting away so he could move to the kitchen.

While he's in there alone, looking for that packet of corn that he knew he had somewhere hidden in his kitchen, Jeno can't help but think once more if he should come clean to Donghyuck. It was dumb really, that he'd keep on beating himself over it but never actually do anything about it. Everytime the moment of the truth happened, suddenly his courage vanished into thin air. Every single time.

He comes back to the room some good ten minutes later or so, only to find Donghyuck curled into a ball. Small sobs fill the silence, Jeno had never moved so quickly in his life. “What's wrong? Hyuck…” He coos and tries to make the other show himself.

Donghyuck mumbles something out but Jeno couldn't understand so he finally uncurls himself and speaks again. “I broke your door’s handle… I'm so-sorry.” He sobs and Jeno furrows his eyebrows at that.

“What?” He looks down at Donghyuck’s hand. “Hyuck it's been broken for like a year now, I'm just too broke and lazy to fix it. You didn't do anything.”

Donghyuck cracks one of his eyes open and pouts. “Really? You don't have to lie-”

“I'm not.” Jeno cuts him off and snatches the handle off his hand to put it back to its place and then grab the bowl of popcorn he had left on his desk. “Come, no more crying. Let's watch the movie and forget all about it, yeah?”

The other nods faintly and snuggles close to Jeno, he moves a lot until he finally finds the perfect position with his head on Jeno’s shoulder and legs completely thrown on top of the other. Jeno clearly doesn't mind it one bit.

 

 

 

“You feel better?” Jeno asks softly when the credits roll on the screen indicating the end of the long movie.

Donghyuck nods faintly. “Yes but, problem is still there so I don't know what to do.”

The other frowns and pets Donghyuck’s hair like usual. “If you don't wanna talk about it, you don't have to. But I'm always here for you.”

Silence. Donghyuck was probably thinking if he should speak, or what to say even, so Jeno doesn't mind simply staring at the now black screen where their reflection shone. He look at the way they were entangled and smiles, it wasn't the ideal situation for someone who desperately wanted to get over someone but even so it brought happiness to his heart. Jeno feels quite pathetic, but that too had become a familiar feeling.

“I feel I'm stuck.” Donghyuck finally says cautiously. “I don't know where I stand, but I want more.”

He supposed he could relate, things weren't bad but also not what he wanted them to be. But Donghyuck probably meant something else. “Then try to get more.”

“What if that lets me with less?”

Jeno bites his lip, how could he answer that when it was the same old question continuously hurting him? “Give it a shot.”

“Easy to say.”

“I know.”

More silence. Jeno couldn't take his eyes off the reflection ahead, as it were a painting in a museum waiting to be analysed. He just seemed unable to stop looking at Donghyuck’s frame glued to his no matter what. “Jeno, please don't…” He starts but his words die mid-sentence.

“Don't what?”

Donghyuck fists Jeno’s shirt harder. “I really like you, like I'm pretty sure I'm in love with you. But you rejected me, and you keep on putting this distance in between us but then when you speak, the things you say give me hope? Even if your actions sometimes are cold to the point where I feel as if I repulse you-”

“What?” Jeno shrieks and Donghyuck’s body tenses up instantly. “Wait fuck, wait.” He grabs Donghyuck so that he could force them to be looking into each other’s eyes instead. “You like me?”

“Yeah you dumb fuck what did you think?”

Jeno opens and closes his mouth so many times that Donghyuck ends up giggling at the sight despise how tense he was. “I don't know Donghyuck the last time I confessed you pretty much told me that we weren't meant to be like that, so I thought well then that's all I am to him. Someone he can kiss when he feels lonely, that's why I didn't want you to kiss me because that'd trigger it all again and as much as doing this-” He points at their still slightly tangled bodies. “Hurts me too, it's far better than... the extra I would get if I would've let you kiss me that night.”

Donghyuck listens to the other ramble, eyes never leaving his face the whole time to soak up everything he said and every emotion. “Jeno…” He licks his lips. “I wanted to kiss you to start over, I know maybe that wasn't the best way to do it but I never… dated? I don't know how it works, how it starts. All I know what to do is kiss people, what do I know about romance?” Jeno doesn't speak so he keeps going. “I rejected you back in the days not because I didn't like you back… It was what my brain told me to do, you were confessing and yet to me that wasn't real. Or serious. I couldn't believe it, wouldn't accept it. And on top of that I couldn't do that to you, I felt selfish enough to lean on you like I used to.” He cups Jeno’s face with the palm of his hands. “I've been trying to not be selfish, but I can't do this anymore. I feel suffocated.”

Jeno lets himself collapse against Donghyuck, with exhaustion or maybe relief. He couldn't tell, his body had seemed to give up on itself like that. The boy doesn't speak and neither Donghyuck who instead draws random patterns in Jeno’s back calmingly.

“You okay?” Donghyuck tries and Jeno nods.

“I just can't believe this.” He whispers and rubs his face on the other’s chest. “You liking me back is something I had practically given up on…”

Donghyuck lets out a breathy chuckle and places a kiss on top of the boy’s head. “Glad you didn't give up entirely then.”

Jeno sits back up to look at the other better and then places his hands on Donghyuck’s nape. “Mine?”

He nods with a big grin on his face, eye sparkling with excitement. “Yes, yours.”

The other wasted no time in throwing himself on top of Donghyuck knocking him down against the bed, Donghyuck couldn’t even mad at Jeno for knocking his breath like that when he looked so happy. You couldn’t even see his eyes from how bright the other was smiling, it was adorable.

“Mine.” He whispers next to Donghyuck’s ear and giggles. “Mine, mine, mine!”

Donghyuck laughs loudly even if the weight of Jeno’s body on top of his was pretty much suffocating him. “So? Can I get a kiss now?” He snorts when Jeno perk up right away at the mention of kisses.

“Now and forever.” He mumbles before connecting their lips hungrily. In his defence, it had been years since he had last gotten the chance to kiss Donghyuck like he so much wanted to, and then after all those months of pretending to want nothing more but friendship after he came back the frustration had only build up even more.

Donghyuck doesn't even flinch nor try to slow it down, he wanted Jeno to know how much he had longed for it as well. As cliché as it was, words don't suffice sometimes, Donghyuck wanted the other to feel it in his bones just how much he meant to him. From then on he had made that his top priority, alongside recovering to the point of not needing medication, to make up for all the hurt he had caused on the other. And he was keen of succeeding.

 

 

 

Jeno wishes he could get pissed off like he should when he gets his face shoved in the sand, but he was too happy to do so. He gets up quickly and shakes his head to make most of the grains fly fat away from him, it doesn't do much though as the sand seems to have glued itself to his skin and hair.

“You're a piece of shit.”

“I'm your piece of shit”

The other scrunches up his nose. “That… Sounds disgusting.” He says but pulls Donghyuck closer nevertheless to plant a little kiss on the boy's plushy lips. “You know I'll get my revenge right?”

“Uhmhm.” He hums with a playful smirk adorning his face.

It was Sunday evening, Donghyuck had weekends off which let them make up for the minimal amount of time spent together during the week due to their busy schedules. Sometimes they'd go to distant places for a little adventure, others they'd laze around at each other’s house.

The idea popped up just a week before as they watched a movie, suddenly Donghyuck decided to blurt out an “I miss the beach.” and Jeno couldn't help but agree. Truth be told he had spent years avoiding it for it reminded him of his rejection.

So, there they were. It wasn't the beach, they wouldn't dare go back to that suffocating old town anymore, just the closest to their city they could find. It did the trick anyways, Donghyuck’s face lit up the moment he heard the waves in the distance, Jeno had to run after him since he had started sprinting in the direction of the sound and everything. He was in his ambient, Donghyuck belonged to the sea. “Wanna go for a swim?” He challenges Jeno who scowls.

“You're crazy if you think I'll go inside that freezing water during autumn.”

“Ah, boring!” Donghyuck teases but Jeno knew he wouldn't dare go in either, especially when the sea was filled with big scary waves. “Come watch the sunset with me.”

Jeno trails behind his boyfriend and watches at the other sits on top of a big dune waiting for him to catch up. “It's pretty.” He breathes out when he finally sits next to the other and looks ahead at the wide horizon painted with varied pretty colours. “Almost as pretty as you.”

“Cheese!” Donghyuck shrieks but kisses him anyways.

They don't speak, Jeno was too focused on observing the gorgeous details of the view to notice that Donghyuck was shifting next to him

“Jeno.” He calls out and the other hums back but doesn't look at him. “Will you marry me?”

That does the trick. Jeno turns his face to look at the other so fast that his neck makes a cracking noise, his eyes were the widest Donghyuck had ever seen them as well. “What?!”

“I mean, hypothetically of course since y’know, we can't officially marry in this dumb country.” He grabs a gummy ring and giggles as he grabs Jeno’s hand. “Will you?” Jeno gapes like a fish back at him. “Ah right I forgot, I must get on one knee.”

And so he does, it takes lots of patience that he usually lacked to wait for Jeno’s brain to unfreeze but they get there. Eventually. “What the fuck honestly-” He looks down at the ‘ring’ and cackles. “I'll buy you a better one.”

“The thought that counts.” He grins. “So?”

“That's not even a question, like I literally wouldn't shut up about wanting to marry you-” Jeno doesn't get to finish his sentence because Donghyuck’s lips come crashing onto his full force almost knocking them both down.

“Husband?” Donghyuck giggles as he puts the ring on the other’s finger when they finally stop kissing.

Jeno chuckles and nods enthusiastically. “Hypothetically.”

Donghyuck smiles the brightest ever in his whole life as he looks at Jeno with adoration dancing in his sparkly eyes. “Just hypothetically, of course.”

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> im really sorry if that was disappointing fgjfkd a girl tried bye, keep on loving nohyuck <3333
> 
>  

**Author's Note:**

> [curious cat](https://curiouscat.me/aquadons)  [twitter](https://mobile.twitter.com/ultraviolentae)


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